Meh and such.

I'm so tired.
I'm trying really hard to do my uni work but it doesn't seem to be happening. Problems with the student network mean I can't log in to do the online stuff, I'm having trouble getting all my reading done and I still can't take in my lecture. I've listened to it a few times now but nothing is happening in the head area.
What's worse is that I'm still not really sleeping properly. I end up laying awake thinking about weird stuff. My head is killing me.

Oh, and to explain the weird stuff a little bit more.
Basically, for the last couple of weeks I've had this really weird feeling that I'm going to bump into people from my past. Some welcome and some not.
It's already started. I've gotten two friend requests on Facebook from two family members I've not seen or spoken to in years. Both are my cousins. One I haven't had any contact with in 12 years and another I pretty much disowned about three years ago. They're family members I don't want to bother with because of past events with them...but it confirms my suspicions that I'm going to cross paths with old faces. I'm a little bit worried because there is one person in particular I DO NOT want to see again. Hopefully that's just my crazy head though and it'll end up being some old primary school face or something...

Meh, so I've been spending my time trying to write my homework stories, read set texts and fit in a few episodes of American Dad.

I'm so confused!!!

FaIF!!!!!!

Fucking FaIF!!!!

I'm trying so so so so so hard to do the work. I've listened to the lectures twice, I've read the transcripts a few times over and I've read the activities, but nothing is staying in my head.
I keep getting confused with how many activities we're being given through so many different links and I'm getting so lost.
There's one task I don't understand at all, another one I'm stuck with and another one I want to do but cant find where I'm supposed to upload it...or write it up to...wherever.

I want to give up. My head hurts and I can't fight the urge not the cry anymore.
I really am trying. This is the hardest I've tried with anything and I'm so lost. I don't know what I'm doing and I'm so scared that I'm going to fuck everything up.
I want to be able to take the info in but my head wont let me. Nothing from any class is going in and staying anymore.

My meeting.

I had a meeting with Leone today about my walking out of our FaIF class last Friday. It was to catch up with homework I missed out on and to just chat about what's been going on with me lately.
I'm not going to splurge it all out on here, this may be a public blog but there are some things I can't really share, but she really helped. She listened, offered advice and is helping me with my classes now too.
I need to email her some bullet points on how to treat me in a classroom situation (no quickfire questions is one we decided during the meeting) and I need to email my presentation group to let them know that I have problems and may not be able to speak when it's time for us to present work but that I'm more than willing to work my arse off with research and such. Leone even said that if they're pissed at me for it then she'll step in and help me explain myself.
She is also going to speak to one of my other lecturers, Liz, to let her know what's going on with me and about the presentation thing (although I'm with my friends for that so I'm hoping they know I'm a bit nuts by now).

After a big cry when I got home, I feel ok about it and feel like I can cope a bit. Ben has been with me the rest of the afternoon/evening so that's taken my mind off things a lot.
I'm still pissed about Lush, but am coming to terms with it.

It's going to take a while and I by no means feel better, but at least I feel like I'm not alone. That's always a good start.

Tired and jobless.

I got laid off from Lush today.

It fucking sucks!!!!!!

I get a weeks worth of pay and 15 hours holiday pay.

Aside from Dan being a git, I loved that place :o(

Goodbye cruel (S)LUSH, I hardly knew ye...

So I've heard from everyone else that has been fired from work over the last few days that it's pretty much happening to everyone. One by one we turn up for our shifts only to be told half way through that we are no longer needed and must go. We sign a form about our being released and get paid one week and 15 hours worth of holiday pay. We then have to pack away our stuff, hand back the apron and the badge, then go whilst the supervisors look on astonished at yet another one of us little people walking out gloomy faced.

Head office have given the command. Get rid of as many people from the shop as possible; we can't afford to keep these people. The shop isn't making enough money.

The "sorry, we have to let you go" bollocks hasn't happened to me yet, but I know what Sunday is now going to bring. I've been pre-warned by everyone so I know what to expect when I get called into the office for "a word".
I'm really upset about this. Not simply because I'm going to miss the money, although that will sting,but because I actually liked it there. I liked it there and was able to cope with the nature of it. I never thought I'd be able to have a job where I could quite happily walk up to strangers and chat to them like it was nothing...sure, I'd come home exhausted through it, but it was good.

Fuck.

I'm going on a final spree today. Abusing my 50% discount while I still can just in another branch of Lush. Flash them a payslip and the discount is yours. I think Mum may be coming with me.

He's on the sodding warpath again!!!!!

My boss is sacking people YET AGAIN!!!!!

Gillian spoke to me on Facebook earlier with the news. One of our workmates got the sack at the end of her shift yesterday...for no reason apparently (and that sounds about right). She was brilliant...no one understands why Dan sacked her. She's been on the phone crying her eyes out.
Of course this now means that we're all bricking it once again. I have an awful feeling that I'm for the chop, I mean I've escaped twice now...surely it's going to happen soon.

Argggghhhh...Lush is supposed to stand for fun and ethics, not stress!!! ARGGGGGGGGHHHH MORE!!!!!

I don't give a toss about how I've written this. My brain is frazzled from trying to hit my deadline today.

Oh God, oh God, oh God...

Bloody uni.
I'm not even back there yet and I'm already pissed off with the place.
My deadline is now speeding toward me and I'm just not ready to face it. I've got one essay done, another essay needs about 400 words added and my chapter needs to be thrown on a bonfire!!!!!!
I'm not happy with it....it's shit.

My main character has no personality, one of my other characters has too much personality and the third and final character won't let go of her Gameboy.
I'm cold, I'm tired, I'm ill and need about a ton of Prozac...this fucking novel needs to die!!!!!

What did I say when choosing my modules last year? I'm not a fucking novelist.
I'm a joke writer. Fucking hell, why did I sign up to do this to myself?
The only thing I can think of doing is treating my chapter like a short story instead of looking at it as the start of a whole long and stupid thing.