Blimey.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath
righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with
darkness?
Corinthians (I've forgotten the numbers.)

We had a snappy argument type thing over Religion.
That has never, in all 3 years of us knowing each other, happened before.
When we first met it was "Oh, I'm a Christian, I play in a worship band and stuff...you alright with that?"
"If you're comfortable with me being an atheist then it's all groovy."

We were on the phone and it somehow just cropped up. He got snappy and said all it would take would be 10 minutes of him speaking and I'd run back to Church awaiting forgiveness.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Firstly, no I doubt it. 10 minutes of big words will not do it. He seems to forget that I grew up with all of that Church and God stuff and I now don't believe it for a reason. I'm very happy with the choice I made and feel it's the right thing for me.
I thought that was accepted? I accept and respect what he believes.


That was just weird.
It was about 10/15 minutes of snapping then it died and he started a new conversation about what our pervy friend has been doing on Facebook.

Lets hope that one doesn't happen again.
My days of arguing over something as diverse as spiritual beliefs are well and truly over. Live and let live etc

Dreams.

I had a weird one last night.
Not about exploding pigeons, flying kettles or talking shoes...it was a different kind of weird.

I used to have a friend. Someone I eventually got very close to a long time ago.
We don't speak anymore - my choice, too dangerous - but this dream was just he and I sitting a blank room and talking.
We yelled at each other, I cried, I threw things, he turned his back and refused to speak, when he actually did it was in strange metaphors that I couldn't work out.
Then all fell silent. A tear rolled down his cheek and he began to disappear. Something he once said to me echoed around the room and then he was gone. Completely.
I was left in the room crying then felt someone hugging me and stroking my hair. I never saw their face but I'd recognise the grip of his hardened guitar strumming fingers, the light voice and the aftershave anywhere.

I firstly woke up feeling really sad that the final hug was just part of my dream and not my Mister laying by my side, then a sense of loss kicked in.

It's left me feeling very strange.

It would be a massive lie to say that I don't miss my friend every now and again. We did have some fun times and I often wonder what he's up to if he's happy.
I hope he's happy.

Everyone I want in my life right now I have. I'm the happiest I've been in a while.
I think this dream was a small moment of nostalgia mixed with my head perhaps making its peace with the last few things that were never said.
Either that or my antibiotics have the same effect as too much cheese.

Why again? WHY?

I'm twiddling my thumbs waiting for go for a doctors appointment.
It's going to be a painful walk there and then to the chemist...

...I hate bladder infections.
They're happening too often now.

I didn't want to miss my literature class today. I love the book we were going to talk about but my appointment is at 12 and I don't think I'll make it comfortably through a 3 hour class.

Bollocks :o(

Against the orders...

I'm going out.
I feel like Stomp are doing a performance in my head whilst Jamie Oliver goes at my throat with a cheese grater but I don't want to be stuck indoors on a Friday night.
My main motivation? To annoy the boyfriend.

We haven't seen each other in two weeks and the original plan was to spend today chilling out together (either going out or staying in...we'd sort that out in a spontaneous and groovy kind of way). This was the plan at the start of the week...
Now, however, he has abruptly changed things and is going out with his friends down the pub instead. I got a phone call saying "Oh, you can come if you fancy."
I AM NOT A HAPPY WOMAN RIGHT NOW!

So, yeah, I am going out...his friends invited me out to some pub next door to the one he's going to be at. Two can play that fucking game.
It annoys me so much when he does this yet, when I bring it up, he never sorts it out.




I think I'm a little hormonal right now.

I MISS HIM!!!!

I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I MISS HIM GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!

It's only been two weeks...I'm pathetic.
Shutting myself away from the world to do uni work never used to be this difficult.

Anyway, the plan I posted a couple of days ago was never followed (as is the fashion with me).
I did manage to get my analysis for Children's lit over and done with although I think I'm in shit because I couldn't find ANYTHING in terms of secondary material to back up what I had found. Bollocks.

Two people have finally gotten back to me about email interviews for my Business of Writing class, so I was practically skipping when I saw my inbox last night. One is with Laura Godman, Cliterature editor of Scarlet magazine, and the other is this guy called James who works for a company that aims to "bring back the short story in all its glory!"
I'm excited about the answers from Laura...Scarlet is my favourite magazine and I slipped some questions in that aren't to do with my work but what I really want to know.
James' answers will be awesome as well I'm hoping, considering he can help me get to the root of my essay question and he just seems really friendly.
So I can write those two into my portfolio that I plan to hand in later today and via the Clegg's damn Internet submission thing then crack on with Leone's homework.
Tomorrow I have a tutorial with the Clegg, which should only take 5/10 minutes, then I'm off with Manda and whoever else can make it to TGIF for a drink and hopefully some lunch.

Speaking of lunch, I'm so sick of how hungry my new pill is making me.
You wouldn't think of it to look at me, but I actually don't eat that much and I'm pretty healthy with my choices most of the time (apart from when my Mister is around. He seems to have a phobia of green leafy stuff). I've had to buy in loads of things to snack on when the hunger starts to make me feel sick.
That's been about the only think driving me mad with it so far though, so touch wood I'll be able to stay on it without going nuts like the last time. I don't want to be a crying, shouting, bleeding, untouchable mess again. It's been a week and none of that has happened yet.

Blah.
I need to get back to my work.

Today's plan...

Starbucks!

I need to get out of this damn house and to a place other than uni.
I'll take my analysis work with me and do it there over a mug of hot chocolate and a panini (yes, I know I'm on a diet, but this pill is making me stupidly hungry!).
The idea of hanging out in the library has died out, simply because I have no idea what I'm looking for in terms of secondary material for this essay thingy. The lecturer said it's about our interpretation anyway...to be honest I just don't care anymore either way.

So, yes, I'm going to dry my hair then get sickeningly fatter in a cosy cafe.

Good day x

Right, right, right...

This is me getting my week in order.

I've got two deadlines next week: one close analysis and one interim portfolio piece of shit thing.
As well as that I have reading to do and a few bits of homework for Leone.

So here's what I'm doing...

Today

-Email more people for BOW and HOPE TO SOMETHING that I get a reply.
-Sit my arse down and analyse my chosen chapter of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night time. Start it (I did the weird angry delete thing again yesterday and lost it all).

Tomorrow

- Write up some of close analysis (just have to get a book to add some secondary sources).
- Start interim portfolio (focusing on proposal idea)

Monday

-Go to library and grab secondary source material to quickly add a couple of quotes.
-Final edit of close analysis
-Continue portfolio (focusing on essay question).

Tuesday

- Mad morning edit of analysis then hand in before class starts at 2
-Get home and start Leone's "homework pack."
-Carry on with portfolio work

Wednesday

-Possibly go out for a break.
-More portfolio work (hopefully to the point where I've finished and can submit).

Thursday

-Tutorial with the Clegg.
-More of Leone's homework.

Friday

-FaIF class until 12.
-Go home and collapse.

Right. Now I've sent that plan out into the universe it probably wont happen in that way at all.