Sorry...

...For the massive gap in posting.

I've been as OK as I can get at the moment, which is pretty good for me.
Had a MASSIVE medical form to fill out from the jobcentre because they want their own doctors to assess me in a couple of weeks. Wasn't the most fun to fill out.

Ooooo, I've also been a little preoccupied with a book I bought off of Amazon. It's called Wreck this Journal and you do exactly what the title suggests. Each page tells you to do something messy or destructive to the book and you do it. Simple as.

So far I've broken the spine, scribbled over things, written my name in different ways, torn pages out and glued parts together.

I've started my christmas shopping as well now.
I'm holding off on getting the uni crew anything until I know the date of when we're actually going to meet up again.
So far I've managed to buy things for The Mister's parents, his sister, my Godson and Emz. I still have my parents, my niece and Mister to get things for and is the hardest one!!! I've only managed to get him a Spinal Tap T-shirt so far. He's a pain in the arse because he already has everything he wants and doesn't stop to think about buying things. That and his birthday is 5 days after Christmas. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I have a crush on my psychologist.
She's beautiful and makes it VERY hard to concentrate during sessions. the fact that she's not that much older than me and that she's so nice and laughs at my jokes probably doesn't help very much either.
I'll get over it. We only have four sessions left.

Am still nervous and excited about going to erotica on the 20th. The tickets came through last week so I guess that kind of makes things final. I think The Mister is feeling the same.
Oh well. It should still be interesting.

That's pretty much all the news I have for the moment.
Bit dull but oh well.

Your mouth was made to SUCK MY KISS!

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Life...

Is ok.

It's not good and it's not bad.
I'm not happy but I don't want to jump off the tallest building anymore either.

I suppose the happy pills are finally kicking in properly (even though they're giving me angry spots and monster headaches).
Doc has put me on a repeat perscription of them now as well as more acne treatment and the new pills to help out with the IBS.
I've gotten a letter through from the adult psychology department too and I should be getting another 8 weeks of treament by the middle of next month.

As for me...yeah, I'm alright.
I now have the motivation to move.

It's good.

I'm so tired.

I've not really been sleeping properly over the last few weeks.
I'm not sure if it's my usual restlessness, worries over trivial things or my new higher dose of antidepressants making my system fudge up.
I'm really not happy about being on them anymore. I get strange headaches, I've got a feeling they're causing the sleep thing, I'm always tired and I've gone back to feeling depressed again instead of better. I've got an appointment with the doctor in two weeks to discuss it all.
Speaking of the doctor, I had to go today to talk through the whole IBS thing. She's given me Mebeverine which is an antispasmodic and I'm seriously hoping it works otherwise she's going to get me on beta-blockers (not really wanting that).
My huge fear for this week is me getting an attack during my birthday munch at spoons on Thursday or at Charlie's funeral on Friday (will explain both a bit more later).

On a better note the jobcentre have been getting in touch with me about services they offer for people on Employment and support allowance. I've been sent a list of LOADS of workshops and classes they offer for people with mental health conditions who are looking to get back into work. There are relaxation classes, exercise classes, stress and anxiety management, healthy eating workshops and assertiveness training to name a few things.
I have an interview with the jobcentre tomorrow to discuss my medical certificate and an interview with Workdirections next week to kick start the workshops. I'm REALLY REALLY looking forward to it.

It's my 23rd birthday on Thursday.
I have nagged the uni crazies and we're all going off to Weatherspoons to celebrate it in our true crazy style. I haven't seen everyone in such a long time. Only person I've seen is Biscuit and that was when we went on a day trip to Brighton together last month.
I'm a little annoyed with The Mister though. He has said he's going to come and meet us all after work for a bit but then he has to bugger off and go to studio with his other band. I'd usually understand but studio isn't compulsory, they go every week, the singer isn't even there this week and it's easy to call and cancel. I'm just pissed that yet another special day to be is cut short because of his stupid band stuff. My 22nd was taken over by studio stuff, he had to run from my graduation ceremony to get to a gig and now it's happening on my birthday as well. If I did the same he'd throw a massive hissy-fit at me.
We're going though a bit of a naff patch and this isn't helping.

I'm not looking forward to Friday at all.
My Dad's friend died from cancer a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know him very well but still think I should pay some respects. I used to play with his kids when dad was round there to help him fix stuff. Dad and Mum are trying hard to help out whenever they can and have kept conversation flowing whenever his widow calls to keep her company. I'm just not very good with funerals. No one is but...I don't know...

I can't actually remember what else I was going to say. That last paragraph has bummed me out a little bit.

Will update once the birthday passes x

Check me!

I bought a mini skirt!!!

A fat girl in boots and a mini skirt.
I'd say I hope my legs don't offend but I hope they do.


I'm starting to learn that I'm actually sexy when I don't dress like a boy.
It's a nice feeling.


No point to this really.

Bugger.

Damn doctor upped my antidepressant dose.

Damn it :o(
I hate being on the damn things and she thinks that It's wise I stay on them for around a year.

Sucks balls.

In love with a magazine.

Twitter threw up something amazing today.

http://www.filamentmagazine.com/

I've not even read it yet but I love it and want to have babies with it (ewwww, paper cuts!).
It's a woman's magazine with no fucking diets or fashion, just interesting articles, erotica and men pictured with the female gaze (if anyone can ever give me the name of a bisexual woman's magazine then please do. Boys are pretty but not exactly my thing most of the time).
It'll be nice having something to read other than Scarlet since that thing has gone waaaaayyy downhill.

Since I couldn't get a cover shot to post up, have some of the female gaze guys from issue 2.

Anyway, other news.....

Well I'm still job hunting and it's shit. I'm going to apply for Argos later just to get something to do over the Christmas season. I've also been asked to tutor my pharmacist's daughter because she's naff at English lit. I'm not looking forward to it but it's money at the end of the day.
I have a masters degree to save up for.