Being a writer who is crap at speaking.
I'm getting so damn pissed off at myself lately because - when I try at least - I can put some really good things down on paper. I can express myself well, I know what I'm going to say and I know the effect I want it to have...but I can't fucking well do it when in a conversation!
OK so I don't exactly have the same time frame in which to think, or the capacity to edit when I'm just talking, but you'd think I'd be able to get out a vaguely eloquent sentence once and a while at the very least. I really do make myself feel like an idiot sometimes because I come out with the most stupid things, can't word anything properly, get the wrong tone or just stumble over my words completely.
I feel like I've made a complete twat out of myself today. I'm not going into why, but I just do. So many things in my head swirling, things I really wanted to say, but when it came to it I just couldn't get a sentence together...I don't even think I managed a proper word in one instance.
Now if I sit here for a little while and think, I know for a fact I could type out everything perfectly.
I could just go with that option, but that's not exactly going to get me through life now is it? Stand chatting with a group of people to be asked something then have to pause the conversation while I get my notebook out.
I do have genuine reasons as to why I'm crap at speaking, but after all the help I've gotten you think I'd be able to do something right by now. Get out a big word without fucking up, express myself without thinking I sound like a twat only to prove myself right.
Arghhhhh. I'm annoyed at me!!!
Stupid, stupid me!
7 years ago