Sunday, 30 November 2008


"You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."~ The Velveteen Rabbit

Friday, 28 November 2008

It's that time again...

Why is it that I get borderline suicidal at this time of year?
Seriously...for the last four years I've started to go a bit crazy around mid November to early February time.
I really don't want to be at uni anymore. OK so this is something I say every year but it's a lot stronger this time around. I don't write anymore aside from this lame excuse for a blog and have the lecturers from hell which just DO NOT help. There's Simon, the rudest - and yet dullest - man in the universe with nose hair resembling something out of Day of the Triffids and Ian, who means well but his lectures are hard to stay awake in the majority of the time (at least he's helpful when you need him though). It's more than just annoyance with Simon; he actually makes me feel physically sick whenever he's too near me. It's not the slight cloud of stale cigarette smoke that seems to follow him around, the crooked yellow and black teeth or the faint aroma of hard liquor that does's just something about him. After years and years worth of therapy, my aversion to people - especially men - has more or less diminished, but he seems to bring all those horrible frightened feelings back and I can't bare to be in the same room as him. My skin crawls and, last lesson, I actually felt like I was going to cry the closer he stood near me.
I know it's my final year and all that jib-jab, but I honestly have no idea what I'm doing in that place anymore and as for classmates...I feel more distant than ever.

Then there's work of course: dream dream job that has so far gone completely tits-up.
I sometimes feel like I'd rather be employed to suck off David Hasselhoff than have to fake smile and act chirpy all the way through an 8 hour shift just to get my boss get off my back about the whole "I'm watching may loose your job" shit. I love most of the customers that come in and have a laugh with my workmates, but he makes me feel like the most useless person on the shop floor...I'm still not properly till and gift trained (I have brought this up many times, but sod all gets done!!!).

There's a whole heap of family crap and Emma crap going on too (I'm not going to bother boring you with that again) and it's just making me feel like I want to hurl myself off a bridge.

I should be happy by now: 5 years of therapy to get rid of the ghosts and learn the social skills I severely lacked, loving parents, a fair education, a boyfriend, good friends, a job...something just isn't right. People aspire to this...I've got it but it's just not doing anything.
I tried to speak to Ben about things yesterday. I got tearful and told him how I feel; that I can't stand life right now. He went through the usual motions: stopped me before I got into uncomfortable territory, gave a hug, did silly things to try and make me laugh. It didn't work very well, so he got to his last resort - sex if you're interested - and it all helped for an hour or so but I still felt crap in the long run. He listens but never seems to understand. I told him how I've been feeling about classes with Simon, and how I either can't go in the room or can't stay a full lesson and his response was "It's not hard...just keep your bum on the seat and you won't walk out." and "It's probably work stress flowing into other things."

I sometimes feel like I should go back into therapy. Originally they were going to cart me off to some other place where I'd be taught how to live a happy-ish, solitary life (learn how to enjoy my own company, work from home, deal with strangers who need to check meters etc) because apparently everything else the world throws will probably be too much for me to take, but I turned it down in the hope of changing myself. Doesn't seem to really be working anymore.

I don't really know what this blog is about...the ramblings of a woman left on her own to dwell on things in a post-coital train wreck?
I don't even know if what I've said makes sense. I don't even think I as a person make sense.

I suppose the bottom line of all this is that I'm depressed, lonely and in need of at least 10 years worth of sleep.
If you've read any of this shit then you truly are a trooper.

As is customary on this blog, I'm going to leave you with a song. They usually have nothing to do with what I've posted about and are just things I've fancied listening to on ze old iPod.

Thursday, 27 November 2008

Another one bites he dust...

One of the girls I work with, Alice, has been fired.
I just found out about it this afternoon: she went in for her early morning shift and was told by the manager that she no longer has a job.
Of course we're now all shitting ourselves because she was actually good at her job yet has been made redundant anyway. I'm doubly scared for myself because I've already been shortlisted for the sack once already and I'm not as strong an employee as some of the others. I have this horrible fear of going in for my shift on Sunday only to be told I'm no longer needed (apron handed over, glitter brushed away, badge torn off military style etc).
It's gotten all of us down because we were all just starting to gel together as a group yet keep having people taken out of it.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Saturday, 22 November 2008


I'm keeping my job for time being.
My manager asked my why I've been acting strange around him and that I constantly look wary or upset when he looks at me.
Firstly I explained that my natural stance is grumpy, so he's gotten off lightly with that, secondly I said that I've felt like crap since he told me he was thinking about giving me the sack last weekend. He just said "If I was gonna fire you then I'd have done it by now."

I can't help thinking that he really is just a bit of a tit.

Aside from that, work wasn't too bad today. Dan put me on gift box duty for a little while because I apparently get more sales than the others when it comes to those things. It's pretty much been a 7 hour shift of dancing, running around with face masks on, dropping soap, pretending that we were all part of some kind of crazy love hexagon (which confused the flip out of my managers).
My cousins came into the shop earlier but didn't stay long because of the smell. Meh to them.

Yesterday was a bit horrible.
It's my monthly 7 days of painful psycho-bitchness and Ben came to visit me. He bought me a litre bottle of Baileys to cheer me up but I still ended up treating him like shit. I couldn't stop snapping at him and spent an hour just refusing to speak to him for no reason at all. Fuck knows how or even why he stayed here after that treatment, but I starting crying, saying that I was sorry for being a bitch, and I got a hug and a "I know it's not really you being an evil moo...don't worry about it."
I find me so irritating...why the hell has he put up with it for almost 3 years...seriously...

I'm feeling a bit less miserable in myself today. I just wish I could explain the bruises I'm still finding...I must be beating the crap out of myself when I'm asleep or something. I've got a massive one on my hip, another on my thigh, my arms are's so annoying.
People keep telling me I've lost weight as well, but I just don't see it. Ok, so my jeans no longer fit me, I'm having to make extra holes in my belt and my shirts are baggy but I feel like such a lump. I just can't see it myself...It must be true but I wish I could actually tell.
Wardy commented on it the other day and I actually can't stand it when people tell me that...I just feel like I'm being stared at all the time. My family do it to me a lot; whenever I get smaller or bigger they just have to let me know about it...I'm like a reality diet show.
I got upset about it and bitched to Ben. He never says anything like that to me, and when I bitch he just says that he notices but really doesn't care cos I'm apparently "damn sexy whatever!". Suppose that's nice...I just wish other people would see that and leave me alone.

Ahh well. I'm going to see Stephen Lynch with the uni loons tomorrow, so that should be awesome.

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Todays mantra...

Don't be jealous. Don't be paranoid.
Don't be jealous. Don't be paranoid.
Don't be jealous. Don't be paranoid.
Don't be jealous. Don't be paranoid.
Don't be jealous. Don't be paranoid.
Don't be jealous. Don't be paranoid.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

I actually had an ok day today.

I got up at half 5 and got ready to start my half 7 shift at work. I really wasn't looking forward to going in. I got about an hours sleep the whole night and my pinny was still damp because I'm not allowed to put the radiators on. I didn't have time for tea or breakfast, but I did have time to swig from a bottle of vodka I've got in the kitchen.
Got lost trying to figure out what entrance I had to go to in order to get in the centre, but managed to work it out and was 5 minutes early in the end.

I found another girl I work with, Grace, waiting on the sofas outside the shop so we sat there for a bit singing songs about gerbils (I don't know why). My supervisor, Dallas, opened up the shop and we wandered in to check the stock, stack the shelves and sing along badly to Pink. After that it was mopping up the floors, making sure we had chocolate Santas wrapped up for customers and putting ice in the table for the fresh face masks to sit out on.
Not long after we opened up, my manager sent me on an errand...I had to wander around the centre trying to find somewhere that sold a collinder and a watering can. That took nearly an hour. I want back and said there was no way in hell I'd be able to find a watering can in a big posh shopping he sent me out and about around the shops to find them instead. That took another hour and I LOVED IT!!! I wasn't stuck in that damn stuffy shop, I got to prove I was trustworthy and I could sneak off to find something to eat as well since I didn't have time for breakfast.
He was happy with the watering can I eventually found in Morrisons. It's actually quite cute and dainty for a £2.49 plastic thing. I also found out that my crazy shop errand had a good reason behind it; it's so we can do demos of the emotibombs in store.
After that it was just me and two other girls doing dances and singing badly to old Motown hits. We had a nice stream of customers through and I MADE SURE that my manager saw me going up and speaking to people, especially after all that bollocks last week about me just faffing about and not speaking to customers. I even made a sale that actually got him to say well done to me...a lady from a TV company came in needing gift boxes for 6 people she worked with to film a documentary about anorexia as a thank you present to them. That was almost £50 for the shop when our average customer spend is £16. I got a lady new to Lush who only wanted a bath bomb to completely change her ideas about major brand shampoos and buy £40 worth of haircare.
Another lady came in who hadn't been to Lush in over 3 years, so I took her around the whole shop showing her loads of new things as well as running around trying to find her old favourites (or at least some alternatives). Plus everyone I helped said thank you to me as they left the shop.
See...if that's me being an incompetent worker, then what the hell is a competent one supposed to do?
I'm not back until Saturday now.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. After uni *grrrrrr* I get to chill out in a bath then spend the evening with Ben. Can finally get my hug.
I'm REALLY looking forward to Friday because I have nothing to do. I can laze about in my house and randomly fall asleep in stupid places.

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Treated myself today.

I'm so fed up of feeling like crap that I decided to hit the shops and buy a few things today.
I was going to go first thing this morning so I'd have a whole day to look around but, after yet another night of no sleep at all, I ended up crawling into my parents bed once the plasterer had arrived to fix my wall and crashed out for an hour or so.

I didn't go too far but I bought a few goodies.
I went to La Senza and picked up some new undies which are rather fabulous (I think everyone knows by now that the majority of my money goes on underwear, socks, things for sexy time and haircare).
I then went into Lush and bought a load of things in there before I get the sack and have to wave goodbye to my 50% discount. I was greeted by my supervisor, Vicki J, who ran up to me yelling "DUUUUUDDDDEEE!" before giving me the biggest bear hug ever. She then wandered around the shop with me to have a chat and a nosy at what I was buying. One of my managers, Emma, joined in but another of the 3, Tom, didn't say anything...he just gave me a sad look before walking into the back room.
I spent £23 (so that's £46 worth of stuff really) on:
-Big shampoo
-Ocean salt face scrub
-Baby face solid cleanser
-The big tease hair gel (which I'm annoyed about 'cos I actually wanted King of the Mods but no one stacked the shelves properly).
-A sex bomb bath ballistic
-A Chocolate Santa bath ballistic
For mum:
-Rehab shampoo
-Coolulin conditioner

I used my stuff once I got in, just to pamper myself a little bit and stop this living dead look I've got going on right now and I'm VERY impressed! Baby face got rid of so much gunk off my face you'd have thought I'd never washed it before, Ocean salt made my skin feel like it was burning off but made it look very bright and Big shampoo has made my hair AMAZING!!! I put my hair through hell with straighteners, hair dye, styling products, it being pulled about and just general stress causing it to go horrible, but it's left it so shiny I'm sure you could see your reflection in it and so soft that I dare not go near Abi anytime soon with her hair stroking ways...

I'm pleased with that and I look a bit better but still feel awful.
The being sick thing is still happening (too much information but never mind), I'm not sleeping at all at night regardless of what I take to help me, I have a constant headache and I'm worrying myself over a bunch of bruises, burns and scratches that I can't explain. I hate not being able to remember where they've all come from. My arms are covered in them, my hip is purple, I have a massive bruise on my stomach, scratches on my lower back, burns on my hands. I don't like the idea of being so numb that I don't feel them happening. I can't even blame work because I've not been there since Saturday and these are fresh marks on me.

I'm really hoping I can get some sleep tonight because I have to be up at half 5 to get ready for work at half 7. I have to help with the morning stock take then do my usual shop floor crap from 9 until half 2.

I can't be arsed. All I really want to do is lay in the dark and hope no one bothers me. Or just lay there and hug Ben. I really do need that. He's the only person who hugs me these days.

Monday, 17 November 2008


I didn't go to uni this morning.
I think the stress of the last few days finally hit me. That and I'm still too scared to go back into a class with Simon.
I couldn't sleep - even with my pills and painkillers - and I felt stupidly ill when I got up this morning. I managed to get myself washed and dressed but ended up being sick. I told my mum I wasn't up for going in then just collapsed on my bed and cried until I feel asleep. Woke up again at around half 12 and watched Family guy for a bit, then got fed up and spent a couple of hours gazing at the ceiling.
Managed to snap out of it enough to give my room a bit of a tidy-up and shove my work clothes in the washing machine, then I went back into my room and fell asleep again. Got woken up by Ben calling me to say that he had finished his audition and was only a 10 minute walk away if I wanted him to come round for a bit. I would have loved it but I know he's not very well at the moment, so I told him to leave it and just get himself well enough for us to see each other on Thursday. He's not happy with how I sounded on the phone so is ringing back later when he gets free minutes on his mobile.

I'm probably going to try and sleep for a little bit again. Get some nice alteration between that and staring at things.

I have to be up at 7 for the plasterer to come in and fix my wall before I end up having to build an ark out of my bed. If they balls it up then I will really lose my temper. If they hadn't have fucked up the drain pipes outside in the first place then I wouldn't have to have my private space invaded. I should really start getting anything small and valuable out of my room...there are stories of them stealing people's things.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Just thinking and such.

I've had time to dwell on the events of yesterday. I'm still bloody angry and upset at my manager warning me that I'll probably get the sack, but I've been talking to a workmate I've gotten quite close with and we've both agreed that work is bollocks anyway.
I really thought I'd love working at Lush, but it's been stressy right from the word go. It's not the customers or my fellow Lushies, it's just the manager constantly putting pressure on us all. I know all managers have to be twats - that's part and parcel of the job - but Lush is supposed to be about working hard and playing harder. Under his watch we have to constantly talk to customers and if we're not then we're somehow slacking (some people don't want to be nagged at. I know I don't like it when I go into a shop) and talking to fellow members of staff is a no no. He gets this manic look in his eye...I'm scared he's going to start developing a twitch.
Surely my top constantly being in a state of dampness, my hands being so chapped from demo water that it's painful and my apron spattered with so much glitter and so many colours that you'd be convinced I'd wanked off a pixie would indicate that I'm doing my job!!!

So I've spent today trying to chill out by lazing about in my pyjamas whilst drinking copious amounts of beer and listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall on full blast over and over again. Then just their song Comfortably Numb over and over again.

At least I get to see the guys at uni tomorrow morning. Not that I've even read the book we're supposed to be looking at this week. I don't even have the damn thing. I'm too sick of Simon to care...I'd rather just write my novel chapter and fail the class in peace.

Saturday, 15 November 2008


So I think I'm going to be fired from Lush.

According to my manager, I don't speak to anyone and just spend my time faffing about with the stock and cleaning.
"I'm just giving you a heads up because I have to get rid of four of you and if you don't speak then you don't stay. I've already got rid of one of you lot."

It's all COMPLETE BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Granted I'm not the most confident of speakers but I don't shy away from speaking to ANYONE. The majority of the time it's just a simple case of customers not wanting any assistance and no one else looking alone or puzzled to go off and speak to. If someone doesn't want me to speak to them and would rather browse alone then I'm hardly going to follow them around and piss them off enough for them to not want to come back.

My supervisors and the trainee managers always see me when I'm working: dancing around, singing along to the crap they play, talking to customers, doing demos and just generally making a mess. Dan always manages to catch me when I've no one to talk to or a plate of bubble bars have fallen or there's a massive puddle on the floor that someone could slip on.

He told me that earlier then sent me on my break. I ended up sitting on the steps outside the centre bawling my face off (good thing I had make-up with me otherwise I'd have looked like shit).

I MADE sure that I just wouldn't shut the hell up when I got back. I ran around the shop, I did silly dances for everyone, let kids chuck foam and glitter on my head...

He even had a go at me when I asked him if he could cut 1ookg of soap for a customer waiting at the till (only managers and supervisors are allowed to do that) and he snapped at me, quite loudly, with "SHELLY, CAN YOU NOT SEE I'M BUSY?" then, when the woman looked horrified, he went "Oh, wait, sorry madam is it for you? Oh that's different then, of course I'll cut it." FUCKING CRAWL ARSE!!!!!!!!!!

Suffice to say that the crush I has is turning into hatred quite quickly.
He's only doing this because he fucked up and hired way too many members of staff. He's just picking on people now so he can cover up for his mistake. there are plenty of other people who don't say a fucking word to anyone.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Argh and such.

The majority of my time has been spent trying to get my essay for postmodern plunder finished. I'm pretty much done apart from a decent conclusion but I'm really not happy with it. Essay writing has never really been my strong point. What matters is that at least I've done something to give in.

Aside from that I've just been working, catching up with Eastenders and eating copious amounts of mushrooms. It's so annoying, I crave the damn things now. It used to be naan bread but now but now it's fungal cups of joy.

I have enjoyed a week of no Lush. I do like it there but my hours are painful to get through during week days (hardly anyone comes in. It was a silly idea hiring 36 members of staff for such a tiny place). I'm back on Friday then again on Saturday for 9 PAINFUL LEG CRAMPING HOURS!!!!! I hope I get to sit down during my lunch break this time.
I'm going to dash off to the pub after I've finished on Friday evening. I'll probably get there at about 10 but it's a friend's birthday and I want to wish him a good one. Plus the rest of the group probably think I'm dead or Ben has locked me in a cupboard or something...and I know I'll need a drink after my shift.

What else can I say...ah!

I've ordered Bill Bailey's new stand-up DVD, Tinselworm, and I'm and REALLY looking forward to it arriving. I was going to save it and wait to sit and watch it with Ben because he's been wanting to see it too. I also ordered season 7 of Family guy which should be here by the end of the week. I'm debating whether to get the complete Vicar of Dibley collection which is only £17.98 on amazon at the moment. I know I need to have for Christmas but I haven't had a DVD spree in ages.

Oh, by the way, I bought the black corset in the end and it was awful. I'm sending it back either tomorrow or Friday.

That's all I have for now. Byyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeee.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008


It's back, it has been cleaned up and there are no promises to update often.

Thursday, 6 November 2008

The last few days.

Urrrgggggghhh and woooo and urggghhhhhhh again.

I'll start with Monday.
I bunked Monday morning's DTN1 class because of some stupid excuse for a presentation we all had to do. Personally I didn't see the point of it and am still upset by the way Simon reacted to me last week so I decided to not go in. The rest of my editing group didn't either.
That's not to say I didn't try though. I got up at the normal time, got ready and packed up my bag but had a panic attack at my front door when stepping out to walk to the bus stop. I ran back into my room and cried. Mum came in wondering what the flip had happened then said there's no way I can go out and be useful in that state and helped me write out an email to my lecturer.
I spent that rest of that day catching up with reading for my Postmodern plunder class and tidied up a bit before Ben came round.
I don't remember much of the rest of the evening apart from feeling ever so slightly used. I'm not going into that though...if you really want to know then you're better of asking me.

I spent Tuesday doing a bit more reading and just generally lazing around.
I got an email from Leone about my novel plan but I can't bring myself to read it yet. I'm hoping there are no dates or anything in there otherwise I'm a tad screwed.

Wednesday saw me back at work. It was a heck of a lot quieter than last Saturday - There were 15 staff members at a time but only 5 customers max - so I wandered around a lot pretending to clean things much to the general disgust of my manager, Dan, who decided to make me useful and finally get me till trained.
When it did finally pick up in there, I was on massage duty at the front of the shop. Basically, I have to explain how our massage bars work, what they're for and which one carries which property. The women and little kids I get coming up to me are always great to do hand massages for, and the kids love the two glittery ones we have, but I get some verrrrrrryyyy creepy men as well. One guy came in with his girlfriend and I gave her a massage to show what our chocolate heart massage bar was like. She then laughed and asked if I could do the same for her other half because his hands are horrible. As I did, she went off for a wander around the shop and he starts squeezing my hands and stroking my fingers!!! I tried to stop him by saying "Ah, sir, you need to keep your palm relaxed for me." but it didn't really work in the end. After his girlfriend paid for her stuff and made to grab him and leave, he put his number in my apron then asked if I would be there next Wednesday. I ran into the back room for a bit after that with Darren - Mr Brand - following behind asking what the hell happened and if I wanted him to stand guard behind me ready to get rid of creepy customers with his trusty left shoe. I declined...wish I never did!
Later on that day, another bloke comes in and tries to eat one of our testers. Again, I show him how the bar works and offer a demo. After a lot of him groaning and gazing down my shirt, he leans down and whispers "Do you massage any other places?" before giving me a wink. For some reason I boomed "SIR, I'M A MARRIED WOMAN!" to him before dropping the bar retreating into the back room once more.
You have no idea how glad I was for my shift to end.

Today was spent at uni from 9 until 11 (he let us go early because no one had finished the book yet), then I had a run around the library to try and find something to help me with my damn postmodernism essay due for next week. ONE BLOODY BOOK I managed to find in the end. I hate that library, they're useless at keeping track of their books.
I spent the rest of the evening with Ben. Not that is was really that eventful or anything. Most of it was spent in complete silence...and not that good, comfortable silence either. He looked really annoyed when I told him about the manky guys at work doing what they did and just sat there gazing at the wall for a bit after. He snapped out of it eventually and asked when my lunch break is tomorrow. I have no idea and only get 15 minutes anyway, so there's no point in walking down.

That's pretty much been my week.
The only other thing I've been doing is corset shopping. I really do have a thing about them and have finally found two that are within my price range. Problem is, they have plastic boning rather than steel which I don't think will hold me in as much as I'd like or last its purpose. One is black satin and the other is blue with a black trim and some embroidery. The company do free returns 365 days a year if I'm not happy with it, but that's so much hassle. I'm also slightly wary because they have no modesty panel at the back.

I'll show you what they look like but, be warned, one of them has a rude model posing. That's not my intent at all, so look past it.

I really like the blue one but I have nooooo idea if that colour suits me. Mainly because of the purple/ginger/brown hair thing I have going on lately.
Oh poopy to it.

Anyway, I'm going to get myself to bed because I have an annoying early start in the morning.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Musical interlude.

Take my hand, we're off to Never Never Land...

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

I think...

I have a crush on my manager!

I didn't think so until I found myself wandering onto his facebook page...then clicking through to his myspace page and not leaving because he has songs that's he has written up there.
I haven't had a crush since the first time I met Ben, I don't tend to fancy people often, so this is allllll a weenie bit odd. He's not even my usual type...he's rather tall, very thin and very emo looking (he admits it himself) and, at work, he is constantly covered in some kind of glitter which sparkles the most from his rather unkempt jet black hair. It'll probably go away the moment I get in trouble for stacking a load of bubble bars wrong or something, but for now I'm just, well, enjoying it I suppose. There's not exactly much else I can do about it. He's not been like my other bosses so far...we play fight in the shop, there's singing and dancing, he joins in with singing and jokes.

I can see this may take a while.

Sunday, 2 November 2008

My first day at Lush.

I would have posted this up last night but I got home at 9.30 in agony.

I have a rather groovy job.
I got ready and left at 11 so I could get there with a little time to spare (the shopping centre is so huge that you need time to find things). Gotta love my job straight away just for how relaxed they are about what we can wear. I chucked on some black jeans, a black jumper, pink & blue shoes and rather bright and crazy jewellery then walked down to the tube station without having to worry about removing the colours once I got there.
Walked into the centre at abouuuuttt 20 past 11, so I just had a wander around for a bit and watched some fashion show going on in the middle of the ground floor. The skinny people bored me though, so I just ended up going to work and starting 20 minutes early. I had to wait in the back for a while because my manager, Dan, couldn't find me a pinny to wear and a big box of hand cream fell down onto one of my supervisors heads (still don't know his name, so he shall just be Mr Brand) so I stayed back to help him clear up and make sure he was alright. I asked but all I got was "Screw how I am...did my hair survive??"
After that madness, I was thrown straight onto the shop floor and into the path of many rampaging customers who just looked verrrryyy scared whenever I said hello or offered to help them find things. It was awful, I just had nothing to do for about half an hour and nor did a few other people I work with. I ended up standing around the massage bars and having a play with those. FINALLY, my cousin and her husband came in, so I ran over to them before any of my colleagues could nab them and showed them some stuff, did some demos, had a laugh...they bought a lot!!!
After that, loads of people came up to me for help. I mainly stayed around the massage bars so I could offer hand massages to people, although most do look horrified when you offer. Women more than men funnily enough. We have vanilla scented massage bars with purple and gold glitter inside which all the kids that came into the shop really loved. I ended up doing glittery hand massages for a family of 6 children then let them all have a go (they did it back to me and one decided it would look good on my nose...I let her...don't know why...). Their parents bought them one each though, so it was cool.
Finally had my break which was 45 minutes long and I spent roughly 30 minutes of that in a queue all for a bottle of water. I think I'm going to leave the centre next time I have a long-ish lunch break.
I got back just in time for a LOUD AND PROUD demo. Dan stood on a foot stall and yelled his lungs out "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS, GIRLS AND THE UNDECIDED, TODAY WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU SOME MAGIC!!!"
That was followed by him making everyone chant "growth, prosperity, vitality, energy" over and over and ovvveeerrr again (our Christmas products are based around old pagan spells and ingredients and the chant is part of a spell). On the last chant, he crumbled a gold star bubble bar into a jug and shouted "I SHALL MAKE BUBBLES FROM CRUMBS!" before pouring warm water from another jug into it. That got loads of people into the shop, simply because Dan is possibly the loudest shouter in the universe. All of us happy helpers had to clap and look amazed at it all which was just funny because the customers looked at us like we'd gone mad. Similarly, when I dropped a tray of bubble bars and the plate clattered on the floor, everyone I work with just cheered and laughed like we were in some kind of restaurant than in a shop where that stock costs a lot of money.
On the subject of restaurants, the joke "Oooo, is it edible?", for just about everything in the shop, lost it's funniness on abouttttt the 1000th time I heard it.
We also had a lot of people in asking if we sold candles. One guy asked and I said that we only sell cosmetics, so he pointed to our soaps and went "So that are those things then? Candles no?", I said they were soaps and he looked at me as if I was lying!!! He walked off to sniff them then came back to me going "They feel like wax..."
I gave up and let my supervisor, Dallas, deal with him.
Another guy came in thinking we were a sweet shop but decided to stay in and talk to me anyway, he asked for a shop tour and demos of our shaving creams then just stayed in and followed me around. He started to chat me up but then checked his watch, asked what days I work then left and said he'd be back for some shaving cream. Oh dear.
Just as we were closing, this lady and her daughter came in and wouldn't stop asking for samples. She asked for samples of soap, which I explained we don't do because everyone knows how soap works, she then asked for samples of bath bombs (how the hell can you sample a bath bomb?), samples of bubble bars ( to the point where she tried to raid our demo pot to get some, she nagged other people for samples of our face masks and creams (we do those but only for people who aren't purely after freebies) and tried to take a bottle of our £35 moisturiser and put it in her pocket, but another one of my managers caught her.

I stayed an extra hour to help clean up the shop, and pretty much spent that time dancing with a mop, taking the mick out of my manager who go his own back by throwing glitter on me and stacking re stacking bombs.

My parents picked me up in the car and that was the first time ALL DAY that I had actually sat down. I was on my feet for the whole day...hence the agony I mentioned at the start. I just ache a little bit more than usual today.

So that was work.
I enjoyed it even though it was painful and Westfield has stupid people around.

As for me in general. Well, I still have a bastard of a cold and will be making more lemsip after I've posted this. I also miss Ben like crazy. It's worse than usual for some reason and, funnily enough, he text me yesterday evening saying exactly the same thing so WE ARE seeing each other on Monday. If that gets fucked up again I will be pissed off.