Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Pretty things.


I think it's the most gorgeous thing I've ever bought for myself. The opera gloves aren't a great fit and because of my stupidly huge boobs I had to go a size higher so the matching piece of string is too big, but the actual bustier IS AMAZING!
I wore it out as a top - with something hiding my shoulders a tad - and the amount of attention I got was insane. The Mister then saw it and the amount of attention was even more insane.
Men are hilarious!!

I love it though and it makes me feel good (not much does these days, lets be honest). Not bad for £10 in the Lovehoney sale.
When my next payment comes in I think I'm going to buy a proper corset to wear out and about. This thing holds things in really well but it's not overly sturdy for long periods of time (or for crazy boyfriends; I had to sew the underwire back in where he's managed to rip it out).
As for other news:
Meh, not much is going on to be honest.
I've discovered a love for Ugly Betty, am job hunting like a bitch and have to go back to the doctor do get a higher dose of happy pills since what she's got me on at the moment don't seem to work.
Oooooooooooooooo and and and, The Mister asked if I'd like to go and see Phantom of the Opera for my birthday. That got a "HELL YES!"
And and annnnnddd he's taking me to the Erotica exhibition in November. I'm really looking forward to going and I can't believe he finally feels comfortable enough to come along (I did tell him there would be boobs).
That's pretty much all my news right now. Not exciting but hey.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

The drugs don't work.

When are antidepressants supposed to kick in?
I've been on these things for nearly 4 weeks now and feel like sod all is changing.
I still hate being on them but if you're going to alter my nerves then at least do it effectively.

As well as still being on those and still nom-ing peppermint capsules and painkillers for the IBS, I got the results of my blood tests back last Wednesday. My iron is low so I'm on Ferrous Sulphate for 4 months to get it back to normal again and my cholesterol is up by .09
I tried to explain to her after she nagged me about being overweight and eating too much fat that I do actually eat healthy and this is something I'm not going to be able to change very easily. She went off on a huff and didn't believe me.
I hate people who think that because I'm fat I must eat like an idiot. Aside from a few treats which I have now cut out of my diet completely, I live off wholegrain, salads, skinless chicken, rice & pasta, jacket potatoes with nothing but a scrape of low-fat spread inside. I constantly drink water, I try to get my 5-a-day...damn woman wouldn't believe me!!!! ARGGGHHHH!
Only thing I can think of doing is exercising more which is near impossible because I always feel too low to bother getting dressed and going outside. I tried to get back in the Wii fit thing the other day but had 5 minutes on there and got bored.

I'm still job hunting with no luck too.
I'm back with the jobcentre and on Employment & support benefit until my medical certificates run out. £100 a fortnight...what a load of shit.

Sunday, 16 August 2009

Where do you take a man on a date?

Seriously, I'm asking.

After a conversation with The Mister yesterday I've decided to take him on a date. It's a way for us both to go out and do something and it's also a bit of a way to say thanks for everything he's done to help me lately. I've been getting more and more crap news from the doctor with every visit and he's been right there still when I've needed him.

So, yeah, it's a sweet idea. Problem is that I have no idea where or what to do. I've been trying to go with things I know he loves in order to piece together a great day, but nothing seems to be working out properly.
His first love is guitars and music, but all those kind of events finished way back in June and no music museum seems to focus much on them. I had the idea of taking him to one of the biggest Gibson retailers in London then going off for a picnic somewhere but it doesn't sound that good.

He also loves food, so I thought about maybe going to borough market next week because he keeps nagging on about it. Problem with that is I'm planning to cook and he'll go mad and buy things to eat therefore he'll ruin my surprise.

He likes theatre but I can't find anything decent and cheap/free.
He likes history but not the kind you can find in an ordinary museum.


Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Things right now.

I've been on antidepressants for 5 days now and so far all they seem to do is make me restless an hour or so after I take them. I also seem to be getting more headaches than usual. I feel lower right now too but that could be anything. The doctor said they can take 2-4 weeks to actually kick in so I'm just playing the waiting game for now. I hate the fact that I'm on them and part of me wishes that I didn't agree to this.

I had blood taken on Monday morning because the doctor FINALLY wants to investigate all the sleep problems I have. Well I have been mentioning it for 8 years, y'know, I think it just might be time to actually see what the fuck is happening.
I had two nurses in with me, one senior and one student, but they were both useless. What should have taken 10 minutes tops took half an hour because they couldn't find a vein. When they eventually did, the senior nurse put the needle to my arm, looked away and started going "sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry..." as she pushed it in.
As well as that I had to remind her to clean my arm first because she forgot and I've been left with a crappy bruise that could have been avoided.
Dad reckons not finding veins quickly enough is the sign of a crap nurse. I think I agree.
I've been donating blood since I was 18 and they've never had a problem and I've never had a bruise.

I now officially hate Wednesdays.
I see the psychologist at my mental health centre there every week for an hour and I can't stand it. She can see exactly what I did the last time I was there through reading my old files yet she doesn't and we go through the same crap I already did two years ago. I can see what's she's trying to do but I don't need to understand how to identify thoughts and mood - I'm well practised in that - I need to be able to get help feeling positive enough to change my thoughts.
This cognitive stuff is a bitch.

The IBS is getting worse.
If I get to hot, too cold, too stressed, to tired...it flares up.
I'm so pissed off with it now it's untrue. I can't venture out too far, eat what I want where I want, be too active in case I overheat.
I've been taking peppermint capsules and they seem to be helping with a fair bit of the pain but everything else is still a problem. I've had to miss out on a BBQ with The Mister and friends today because I don't want it to flare up in a strangers house.

Life just seems so stressy right now. I'm getting fed up.