Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Like a well worn sofa...

...The Mister and I are in the comfortable phase.

OK, I don't actually know if that's a real relationship phase but things do feel that way.
We can say what the other one is thinking, we finish each other's sentences, our senses of humor appear to have merged into a Monty python/family guy megabeast, we've become so accustomed to each other that body parts we hate are flailed about freely without care, neither of us are too bothered if the other can't be arsed to shave for a week or more, I attack his blackheads with wreckless abandon (gross, yes, but I never claimed not to be) and slap face masks on him without much warning. We know what buttons to push when it comes to bedroom stuff and it's usually the same motions each time. When I get a job we're supposed to start flat hunting and he's going on about how much he wants kids soon.
He even said that he tells people he's "practically married" if ever he's out and either in conversation or someone attempts to chat him up.

Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Thing is, I don't actually know if I like this fact.

There are women out there, those Bridget Jones types, who would kick me and say "But you have a boyfriend. What are you moaning about?"
It's true in some respects. What I have going at the moment is what so many people crave but I suppose I'm getting into that typical rut of knowing that our honeymoon phase is well and truly over and now I'm wondering what the hell happens from here?

I love him to pieces and don't plan on things ending any time soon, I'm just worried about the lack of effort that we put into the relationship these days. We don't talk to each other much outside of our together time and when we are together it's always at my place and it's always the same routine of us watching crap TV, eating crap food, having a predictable fumble then him complaining about being tired and either going home or falling asleep on the spot.
I'm not the most romantic or spontaneous person ever, but I have tried to do and suggest things to get us out of habits. I made sure we went to the erotica exhibition last November to give ideas and imagination to private antics, I suggest going out places just the two of us, I put really deep thought into any gifts I get him. Inspiration runs dry pretty quickly, he's always too tired to go out and his idea of something romantic is getting me a bottle of booze and paying a bit more attention to foreplay than usual.

I've never gotten this far in a relationship before so it's all a bit new and strange.
I do like the fact that we are connected in some new ways, like a shared mind sometimes, and we can accept each others flaws both massive and small but I suppose I'm frustrated at the lack of excitement (and we weren't the most adventurous couple to start with).

I have a cousin who goes out with one of the Mister's best friends. They've been together for a year and he takes her on romantic weekends away, they go shopping together, they take each other out for dinner, they've been on helicopter rides together...
...I've never had anything like that done for me and I'm asking for much smaller scale things, y'know, like an evening in a pub just the two of us or something.

I'm hoping there's someone out there who can say some reassuring words to make me feel positive about where we're going. It's either that or I kick him up the bum and MAKE him do something different.

*sigh*

6 comments:

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Weeping Shadows said...

^^Yeah, like porn will really do the trick *sigh*

Anyway. Yeah, I've been through this as well. And when I was with Nathan at the time, we had a talk because we both knew that the relationship was starting to dry out a little bit.
We just decided to take turns with what ideas we can do every week, maybe go to the movies one week, go out to eat one week, go and see a show, (once we save up for it) things like that, you know go on the london eye when there's some time.
Just things that we've never bothered to do.
Poke him and say, you know what, I wanna do more stuff than what we're doing. But it's a two way thing, make sure he also puts the effort in.

Mike said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Half-Divine said...

How exactly do you download a beautiful girl anyway?

Stupid spam headed spammer!!!

Cheers for that, Dee.

I know what I've got to do. I was in such a rut the other day about it all that I had to vent. I see him tomorrow so I may suggest doing something other than watching Hell's Kitchen and not moving for 5 hours.

KimLi Lim said...

your relationship is far better than mine. me n my guy hv been on n off for the past 11 months. n we rarely go on romantic dates due to financial issues. but i guess every couple hv issues. hv u talked to him about it?

Doomed But Cheerful! said...

Sounds like it's all getting a bit 'old'. We had jobs that took us away for weeks and months at a time, so we always had a chance to 'renew'. So - how can you guys? Take turns in organising a weekend or day doing something random? Something that neither of you has done before?
On the other hand ... you could just become like so many old couples, and exist in a sort of resentful silence ...

I over analyse - it drives my man up the wall, and I am banned from asking him questions now ... we are ok, and he is alright ... You however, might need to front up to your friend - "matey, this is what I need ... and don't say we are practically married, cos we aint" or whatever. Next he will bring his mates home on Firday night, and expect you to cook them chips and pizza.

Being taken for granted is lovely - sometimes. Maybe if he were on a little edge with you, he would be less likely to fall asleep!

That's nothing like an answer ... sorry. I don't think anyone can give you one ... but there are a couple of things to think about.
G =]