I has a job.

Yes, that's right.

I was interviewed on the 5th, got offered the job on the 6th and my first day was today (the 7th).
I work 40 hours a week minimum wage at a luxury handbag store on Bond Street. So far it's been really dull and I already can't stand rich people, but it's work and it's money. Ben and I are planning to rent a flat together provided I'm kept after my 3 month trial so I NEED to stick to this place.
There are a couple of perks to the job (if you care to see them as perks anyway). I get a free bag twice a year of any style and price and 3 free accessories (so that can be a purse, an umbrella, a belt, a scarf, a wallet or a keyring). I get two days off a week. One on a Sunday when the store is closed and one during the week whenever I ask for it.
I can't believe how expensive things are in that place. £35 for a keyring!!!!!!
Some woman came in and paid £40 for an umbrella. I could buy a whole new outfit for that much.

So, aside from the job news not that much has happened.
I failed my medical so I've had no money for around a month now and have had to borrow from people. I'm still on the happy pills and the belly tabs but I've finally finished my course of iron supplements.
The med fail was a complete joke. Get this right, I'm on tablets for irritable bowel syndrome. I have a letter from my doctor saying that even with them I can't control my bowels very well (probably more than anyone ever needed to know but I don't care) and the jobcentre's own doctor wrote in my report that there's nothing wrong and I can function normally. Another question was about depression and anxiety. Again, I had doctors and psychologist's letters as well as my tablets there with me to prove I do have issues and the woman wrote down that I was perfectly fine and not depressed or mentally unfit in the slightest.
I'M ON FUCKING MEDICATION AND IN THERAPY, BITCHFACE!!!

Meh...
Christmas was ok. I went to see my family then went to see Ben and his family. I got cool things that I can't be arsed to list right now.
New Year was a bit dull. Ben and I were invited to a house party but I refused to go because they use drugs. We celebrated with my family instead. Ben is a trooper...my very drunk aunt kept grabbing his bum and trying to kiss him and he still stayed and didn't run away screaming!

I've really gotten into Call of Duty MW2 on my PS3. Shooting strangers over the internet is soothing after a bad day.

Y'know, I had more to say but I'm shattered and have to be up for work in the morning. Nighty night x

DECK THE HALLS...

And all that jib-jab.

Actually, I am REALLY looking forward to Christmas getting its arse here.
I've pretty much done my shopping (apart from my uncle and one more thing for my "niece"). I've also managed to get most of the Mister's birthday stuff sorted out now as well. I've got one more thing left to order but it could take a while due to money crap going on.
I'm not buying for my uni friends just yet because I'm not 100% sure when we're supposed to be seeing each other. We've all got a lot of things going on right now so it probably won't be until the new year now. It's sad but I'm sure it'll make it feel all the more exciting for when the time to meet up actually comes around.
Back to Christmas stuff...

I got:
- Mum & Dad a Royle Family DVD box set.
- Mister's Mum & Dad have a box of Thorntons finest.
- His sister has a bodycare set thingum
- My "niece" is getting a teddy bear but I also want to get her something 'In the night garden' themed.
- My uncle is getting DVDs from Ben and I.
- Mister has a hoodie, a few T-shirts, an into model helicopter, funny socks and even funnier pants.

Mum and Dad are getting him a new wallet because his current one is being held together with gaffer tape.

His birthday stuff consists of more T-shirts, a Ghostbusters Ecto-1 number plate and an extra special guitar pick.


As for myself. My list for Mr Santa is...

- Dylan Moran, Eddie Izzard, Russell Howard, Michael Mcintyre and Bill Bailey.
- Warm Pyjamas.
- Warm socks.
- A bluetooth mini photo printer.
- New trainers.
- An open bust corset, pencil skirt and those AMAZING shoes I posted a photo of a few entries back.

Meh, lets see what happens.

What else did I have to say.......

Aha!
Erotica was AMAZING last weekend. The Mister and I have decided to make it a yearly trip from now on since we both had so much fun. He looked as nervous as hell for a little while but soon began to chill out after I pretended to make a mouth shaped Fleshlight sing, we watched the Fuel Girls on the main stage and he gawped at a few boobs.
There were so many things to go and see. We didn't manage to get around the whole place (mostly because I wanted to venture into the art gallery but he didn't really see the point). He bought be a few bits and bobs which I promise I won't divulge since I'm sure no one wants to know the weird crap I like. We also bought the yummiest toffee flavoured vodka ever from some hilariously drunk Welsh blokes on a stand near the exit. It's 27.5% volume so we've only done a quarter of the bottle between us so far.

I'm off now. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a cup of tea.
I also want chocolate but I'm holding back the craving until I get back from my medical assessment tomorrow afternoon. The Mister and I can wallow in Dairy milk and Brandy Alexanders that way.

Toodles xx

I turned down a job.

I know it seems like the most stupid thing to do ever, but just hear me out first...

I got a call from Argos on my way home from shopping this afternoon asking me to come in for training tomorrow at 12 but I tole the guy that I'm not taking the job. My reasons being that it's just not enough hours and I have no security (there's a massive chance I'll have to leave after Christmas).
If I'd have taken the job then I would lose all the help I'm getting along with my fortnightly installments of Employment and Support allowance. Basically, I have a personal advisor who I see once a month to talk about how my medication and doctor/psychology sessions are getting on and classes I can take in order to get myself feeling well enough to work again.
I'm going to ask them to start helping me look for work at my next appointment in December. I want to get their medical assessment out of the way first so they can actually see that I'm not bloody faking all of this.

So that's what I think.
I'm sure there are people out there calling me an idiot but I'm hoping I have made the right choice.
This Argos thing just isn't right for me at this moment in time. If I was still a student then I would have snapped it up there and then but I need to start building a life for myself now and this isn't the way to go.

Sorry...

...For the massive gap in posting.

I've been as OK as I can get at the moment, which is pretty good for me.
Had a MASSIVE medical form to fill out from the jobcentre because they want their own doctors to assess me in a couple of weeks. Wasn't the most fun to fill out.

Ooooo, I've also been a little preoccupied with a book I bought off of Amazon. It's called Wreck this Journal and you do exactly what the title suggests. Each page tells you to do something messy or destructive to the book and you do it. Simple as.

So far I've broken the spine, scribbled over things, written my name in different ways, torn pages out and glued parts together.

I've started my christmas shopping as well now.
I'm holding off on getting the uni crew anything until I know the date of when we're actually going to meet up again.
So far I've managed to buy things for The Mister's parents, his sister, my Godson and Emz. I still have my parents, my niece and Mister to get things for and is the hardest one!!! I've only managed to get him a Spinal Tap T-shirt so far. He's a pain in the arse because he already has everything he wants and doesn't stop to think about buying things. That and his birthday is 5 days after Christmas. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I have a crush on my psychologist.
She's beautiful and makes it VERY hard to concentrate during sessions. the fact that she's not that much older than me and that she's so nice and laughs at my jokes probably doesn't help very much either.
I'll get over it. We only have four sessions left.

Am still nervous and excited about going to erotica on the 20th. The tickets came through last week so I guess that kind of makes things final. I think The Mister is feeling the same.
Oh well. It should still be interesting.

That's pretty much all the news I have for the moment.
Bit dull but oh well.

Your mouth was made to SUCK MY KISS!

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Life...

Is ok.

It's not good and it's not bad.
I'm not happy but I don't want to jump off the tallest building anymore either.

I suppose the happy pills are finally kicking in properly (even though they're giving me angry spots and monster headaches).
Doc has put me on a repeat perscription of them now as well as more acne treatment and the new pills to help out with the IBS.
I've gotten a letter through from the adult psychology department too and I should be getting another 8 weeks of treament by the middle of next month.

As for me...yeah, I'm alright.
I now have the motivation to move.

It's good.

I'm so tired.

I've not really been sleeping properly over the last few weeks.
I'm not sure if it's my usual restlessness, worries over trivial things or my new higher dose of antidepressants making my system fudge up.
I'm really not happy about being on them anymore. I get strange headaches, I've got a feeling they're causing the sleep thing, I'm always tired and I've gone back to feeling depressed again instead of better. I've got an appointment with the doctor in two weeks to discuss it all.
Speaking of the doctor, I had to go today to talk through the whole IBS thing. She's given me Mebeverine which is an antispasmodic and I'm seriously hoping it works otherwise she's going to get me on beta-blockers (not really wanting that).
My huge fear for this week is me getting an attack during my birthday munch at spoons on Thursday or at Charlie's funeral on Friday (will explain both a bit more later).

On a better note the jobcentre have been getting in touch with me about services they offer for people on Employment and support allowance. I've been sent a list of LOADS of workshops and classes they offer for people with mental health conditions who are looking to get back into work. There are relaxation classes, exercise classes, stress and anxiety management, healthy eating workshops and assertiveness training to name a few things.
I have an interview with the jobcentre tomorrow to discuss my medical certificate and an interview with Workdirections next week to kick start the workshops. I'm REALLY REALLY looking forward to it.

It's my 23rd birthday on Thursday.
I have nagged the uni crazies and we're all going off to Weatherspoons to celebrate it in our true crazy style. I haven't seen everyone in such a long time. Only person I've seen is Biscuit and that was when we went on a day trip to Brighton together last month.
I'm a little annoyed with The Mister though. He has said he's going to come and meet us all after work for a bit but then he has to bugger off and go to studio with his other band. I'd usually understand but studio isn't compulsory, they go every week, the singer isn't even there this week and it's easy to call and cancel. I'm just pissed that yet another special day to be is cut short because of his stupid band stuff. My 22nd was taken over by studio stuff, he had to run from my graduation ceremony to get to a gig and now it's happening on my birthday as well. If I did the same he'd throw a massive hissy-fit at me.
We're going though a bit of a naff patch and this isn't helping.

I'm not looking forward to Friday at all.
My Dad's friend died from cancer a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know him very well but still think I should pay some respects. I used to play with his kids when dad was round there to help him fix stuff. Dad and Mum are trying hard to help out whenever they can and have kept conversation flowing whenever his widow calls to keep her company. I'm just not very good with funerals. No one is but...I don't know...

I can't actually remember what else I was going to say. That last paragraph has bummed me out a little bit.

Will update once the birthday passes x