Saturday, 5 April 2008

Urgh, stop the world...I wanna get off...

Ok, so I'm now feeling even more crap than usual.
My deadlines are coming up but I'm stuck on what the hell to write for my portfolio, I have an exam coming up that I'm probably going to flop due to the fact that my lecturer is an idiot and I just generally feel like I want to hurl myself off of the nearest bridge.

I spend my free time either sleeping or crying rather doing my work or spending more time with my friends/boyfriend like I should be doing.
When I do eventually sit down to write, no ideas come out for me to play with and I end up writing or typing something along the lines of "Why why why why why why why" or "Bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks" etc repeatedly. You know, some kind of random word or expletive.
I know it's technically stream of conciousness type writing, but it's just not good enough anymore.

Aside from the university stress I just generally feel a lot more low than I usually do. Life in itself isn't too bad but my disorder is starting to creap back up on me again and it's making me feel stupidly depressed. I don't want to go back to councelling, but I think that may be my only option once again. Arrgghhh more clipboards and mutterings of "Hmmm..."
I've not been "normal" since last summer. Something really isn't right.

I feel like disappearing for a few days. Just to be totally on my own in order to work and think.
So if I don't turn up online or text back then it's just me having some quiet time.

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