When you suffer from depression true moments of happiness are few and far between. Laughter happens, but there's no feeling in it a lot of the time. The moment you stop you feel low again.
That's why, when they do happen, no matter what, you treasure them and savour the moment completely.
I had this today whilst on the bus back from Oxford Street.
I felt like complete crap yesterday (I was having an ugly day...y'know, those ones where you feel like the ugliest thing that ever walked the earth?) and it kind of carried on through into today. I decided to go out for a walk to try and get some fresh air, just to see if it would help me at all. Soon felt my mood lighten slightly - although I did buy things, that usually helps - then got on the bus and sat down, just letting my mind wander off.
About half way through my journey, I remembered something from yesterday. Something that made me giggle at the time anyway, but replaying it in my head made me burst out laughing. Loudly. Tears in my eyes and ribs hurting like fuck...on a packed 7 bus!!!!!
I made a bunch of little kids start laughing, and the old lady sitting next to me. All of us were red faced and gasping for air. I must have looked completely insane, but I really didn't care. I held on to this one little gem of a memory and let my crazy sounding laugh out, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were now streaming down my face.
It's the most eleated I've felt in months. The fact that I made other people laugh made me feel even happier. My mood has improved for it and the good news is that I don't feel that ugly anymore. I'm back to my usual self. Laugher is a beautiful thing and a whole load of it came from me today :oD
6 years ago