Saturday, 9 May 2009

Life and such.

Sorry I've been so crappy over my last few blogs.
I was on a bit of a downer - everything felt like it was caving in - but I'm almost OK now.
The problems The Mister and I were having have been sorted and I'm also starting to gain my life back away from Emz...

She was bugging me all week about going out drinking on Friday and I just didn't want to go. I'd like to think I've grown up a little bit over the last year or so and I've given up with the boozing and the staying out until stupid o'clock.
She gave me the "but I haven't been out and had a drink since my birthday", "You're my drinking buddy and it's not the same without you" and "it's so hard being a single parent" lines but I'm so fed up of being guilt tripped. It's all balls because she went out on a drinking weekend with her workmates a couple of weeks ago, she usually gets up and leaves me to smoke and flirt when we go out and I understand being a parent is hard but it's not an excuse. I'm not a parent but that doesn't mean anything I've got going on isn't hard too.
I already overlook the 7am phone calls, the promises of going out to catch up along with her son - my Godson - that she then cancels last minute because she'd rather be with a bloke she's just met and I forgave all the shit she put me through when The Mister and I split sane person would have done that!!

After a conversation with my Dad I've now decided it's time to become more selfish.

A better offer came up for Friday evening, pure and simple. The Mister and I have been having problems lately and we've been slowly working things out. The offer was to come over Friday and stay the night, which I accepted straight away (screw alcohol and sweaty Australians in a pub, I really want to save my relationship). My Dad is right, I really need to stop being a dogsbody and start looking out for my own interests. I'm not about getting drunk, flirting with strange men for free drinks, eating my own weight in junk food and watching everyone around me get stoned. I was when I was a teenager and still finding myself but that phase has been over for a very long time and the only remains of it are a mental illness and Emz. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the two.

I still feel slightly guilty for saying no to going out, but I've had a really nice weekend and she'll probably be too busy with her new boyfriend to bother with me for a little bit. Space is nice.

What else...ah, Graduation.
I was really looking forward to it but it just seems to be turning into a crappy day months before it's even here. Some of my friends are no longer going and my Dad keeps moaning about having to go and how much it all costs etc.
It's only cost £65 between all three of in total to be honest. My Grandad sent me a cheque last week to pay for my robes, tickets and smart dress in exchange for a photo of me throwing my mortarboard in the air on the day. I know I don't need a stuffy ceremony to show I've graduated, but it means so much to me that I just HAVE to be there. I didn't think I'd live this long, let alone get to and through university. I want to show off my dopey robes, have my name called and panic about falling flat on my face in front of everyone there. It's a shame people won't be there. Sometimes I feel like we're splitting apart.
I'm not going to the Summer ball anymore since no one else is and Radish is annoyed at me for it. I'm not spending £50 then another £50+ for a dress I'm only ever going to wear once for only two other people. I'd rather put that towards mine and The Mister's holiday during the summer.

I should be meeting Kara during the week (either that or on the Digby picture thingy in a couple of weeks). She's pretty much selling all of her stuff so I've nabbed her Skin Two yearbook.
I LOVE the fetish scene and have seen previews of the year book that have made me feel really enthused about buying it.
What's funny is I'm getting Mister into it a little bit as well. Probably not to the extent I like it but he's interested in a nervous laughter kind of way. Haha.

Going to be a quiet week. Only thing happening is Mand's birthday party on Saturday.
Am supposed to be seeing Coraline in 3D but I'm doubting it'll happen.

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