Oh my achey everything...

In an aid to get a bit more healthy, I've started exercising.
Since I can't afford the gym, my instructor has taken the form of Honey Kalaria in a Bollywood workout DVD.
It's knackering...honestly!
I'm great with the warm up exercises (even with the limited space in my bedroom), but the moment she speeds up I get 10 minutes in, lose my balance completely and fall over.
I got further through the routine than I did a few days ago which is promising, but God it's hard.

Hoping this works really otherwise I've given myself backache for nothing.

In other news...I still have that damn infection.
I've got another course of antibiotics to take to try and get rid of the bastard once and for all. I've been on them for two days now and I think they're starting to take some effect.
My pill is starting to piss me off a bit...I'll go into that when I can be arsed.

Goodnight for now xx

That's enough faffing around now...

I've just been given my lowest mark in uni since I started at that place.

I got 54% for my close analysis on The Curious Incident of the dog in the night time and it has come as a bit of a crushing blow.
If I don't pull myself together and stop being a lazy cow then I might actually be able to pull myself away from the looming 2:2 grade that my third year is pushing upon me.

I want my 2:1. It's not impossible.

I may do work very close to deadline but I work DAMN HARD to get everything done. I really slogged my guts out for that piece of work and it only got be a crappy 54 mark. I need to read more.
You're probably sitting there going "Oh, but it's okay because you passed."
It's not okay.
It's okay for other people who haven't been seen as slow or stupid or as an idiot most of their life, but I have a point to prove.

I need to knuckle down because I don't want another mark like that pulling me down to something I could have avoided. I need to WORK HARDER THAN EVER!!!!!



On a happier note: my uncle is finally out of prison. I'm looking forward to seeing him again just as soon as this damn degree finishes and I get my life back.

A brief note...

I'm never going to be able to look at Milky Bar buttons in the same way ever again.


Goodnight xxx

Oh that's just great!

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I had to call the doctor today to find out my test results from Tuesday's appointment. She's put me on the wrong fucking antibiotics.
I knew it...they've worked a little bit but I'm still nowhere near better. I've not been able to go out and I've barely been able to sit through my lectures (that's if I even manage to make it in for them).
I'm having such a miserable week and this has just put the cherry on top of the whole sorry excuse for a cake. I have to go through another week of antibiotics, another week of discomfort and another two weeks of my pill not working all because the stupid twat of a doctor fucked it up.

I'm going to the walk-in centre from now on. It takes a while to be seen but at least they do their job.

Blimey.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath
righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with
darkness?
Corinthians (I've forgotten the numbers.)

We had a snappy argument type thing over Religion.
That has never, in all 3 years of us knowing each other, happened before.
When we first met it was "Oh, I'm a Christian, I play in a worship band and stuff...you alright with that?"
"If you're comfortable with me being an atheist then it's all groovy."

We were on the phone and it somehow just cropped up. He got snappy and said all it would take would be 10 minutes of him speaking and I'd run back to Church awaiting forgiveness.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Firstly, no I doubt it. 10 minutes of big words will not do it. He seems to forget that I grew up with all of that Church and God stuff and I now don't believe it for a reason. I'm very happy with the choice I made and feel it's the right thing for me.
I thought that was accepted? I accept and respect what he believes.


That was just weird.
It was about 10/15 minutes of snapping then it died and he started a new conversation about what our pervy friend has been doing on Facebook.

Lets hope that one doesn't happen again.
My days of arguing over something as diverse as spiritual beliefs are well and truly over. Live and let live etc

Dreams.

I had a weird one last night.
Not about exploding pigeons, flying kettles or talking shoes...it was a different kind of weird.

I used to have a friend. Someone I eventually got very close to a long time ago.
We don't speak anymore - my choice, too dangerous - but this dream was just he and I sitting a blank room and talking.
We yelled at each other, I cried, I threw things, he turned his back and refused to speak, when he actually did it was in strange metaphors that I couldn't work out.
Then all fell silent. A tear rolled down his cheek and he began to disappear. Something he once said to me echoed around the room and then he was gone. Completely.
I was left in the room crying then felt someone hugging me and stroking my hair. I never saw their face but I'd recognise the grip of his hardened guitar strumming fingers, the light voice and the aftershave anywhere.

I firstly woke up feeling really sad that the final hug was just part of my dream and not my Mister laying by my side, then a sense of loss kicked in.

It's left me feeling very strange.

It would be a massive lie to say that I don't miss my friend every now and again. We did have some fun times and I often wonder what he's up to if he's happy.
I hope he's happy.

Everyone I want in my life right now I have. I'm the happiest I've been in a while.
I think this dream was a small moment of nostalgia mixed with my head perhaps making its peace with the last few things that were never said.
Either that or my antibiotics have the same effect as too much cheese.

Why again? WHY?

I'm twiddling my thumbs waiting for go for a doctors appointment.
It's going to be a painful walk there and then to the chemist...

...I hate bladder infections.
They're happening too often now.

I didn't want to miss my literature class today. I love the book we were going to talk about but my appointment is at 12 and I don't think I'll make it comfortably through a 3 hour class.

Bollocks :o(