Well sod you then.

- Hello.
Any reason why you've decided to stop speaking to me?

-The reason is because u said that u did'nt trust me and it hurt.

To be honest I dont have time to waste with people who dont trust me after 10 years of friendship!

Have a nice life. x

-Even though you knew that at that time that I didn't even trust my own shaddow let alone anyone or anything else?

That's reeeaaaaallll nice, dude.

Do you have ANY idea how much you managed to upset me the last few times I saw you?
What kind of friend fucks off and leaves someone to sit completely on their own in a crowded room of strangers so they can go have a smoke with people they've only known for a few hours - if that - anyway?
I got even more iffy with you because you KEPT ON doing things like that!!!

I'm sorry but that's much worse than my illness making me be a bit paranoid about people. After 10 years of friendship you should know by now that it happens every so often!

If you're going to act like such a twat then it's not worth it anyway.

So, yeah, enjoy your life.
Success in everything you do.
Hope your thing with this 'special someone' goes well
I really hope that one day you grow up.

I'm in this kind of mood...

Closer - Nine Inch Nails

It's one of those evenings.
Lack of other half being here now or at all until Monday really doesn't help matters.
*Pulls out hair*


(The monkey in the vid was fine by the way. Peta approved and all that jib-jab).

Meh and such.

I'm so tired.
I'm trying really hard to do my uni work but it doesn't seem to be happening. Problems with the student network mean I can't log in to do the online stuff, I'm having trouble getting all my reading done and I still can't take in my lecture. I've listened to it a few times now but nothing is happening in the head area.
What's worse is that I'm still not really sleeping properly. I end up laying awake thinking about weird stuff. My head is killing me.

Oh, and to explain the weird stuff a little bit more.
Basically, for the last couple of weeks I've had this really weird feeling that I'm going to bump into people from my past. Some welcome and some not.
It's already started. I've gotten two friend requests on Facebook from two family members I've not seen or spoken to in years. Both are my cousins. One I haven't had any contact with in 12 years and another I pretty much disowned about three years ago. They're family members I don't want to bother with because of past events with them...but it confirms my suspicions that I'm going to cross paths with old faces. I'm a little bit worried because there is one person in particular I DO NOT want to see again. Hopefully that's just my crazy head though and it'll end up being some old primary school face or something...

Meh, so I've been spending my time trying to write my homework stories, read set texts and fit in a few episodes of American Dad.

I'm so confused!!!

FaIF!!!!!!

Fucking FaIF!!!!

I'm trying so so so so so hard to do the work. I've listened to the lectures twice, I've read the transcripts a few times over and I've read the activities, but nothing is staying in my head.
I keep getting confused with how many activities we're being given through so many different links and I'm getting so lost.
There's one task I don't understand at all, another one I'm stuck with and another one I want to do but cant find where I'm supposed to upload it...or write it up to...wherever.

I want to give up. My head hurts and I can't fight the urge not the cry anymore.
I really am trying. This is the hardest I've tried with anything and I'm so lost. I don't know what I'm doing and I'm so scared that I'm going to fuck everything up.
I want to be able to take the info in but my head wont let me. Nothing from any class is going in and staying anymore.

My meeting.

I had a meeting with Leone today about my walking out of our FaIF class last Friday. It was to catch up with homework I missed out on and to just chat about what's been going on with me lately.
I'm not going to splurge it all out on here, this may be a public blog but there are some things I can't really share, but she really helped. She listened, offered advice and is helping me with my classes now too.
I need to email her some bullet points on how to treat me in a classroom situation (no quickfire questions is one we decided during the meeting) and I need to email my presentation group to let them know that I have problems and may not be able to speak when it's time for us to present work but that I'm more than willing to work my arse off with research and such. Leone even said that if they're pissed at me for it then she'll step in and help me explain myself.
She is also going to speak to one of my other lecturers, Liz, to let her know what's going on with me and about the presentation thing (although I'm with my friends for that so I'm hoping they know I'm a bit nuts by now).

After a big cry when I got home, I feel ok about it and feel like I can cope a bit. Ben has been with me the rest of the afternoon/evening so that's taken my mind off things a lot.
I'm still pissed about Lush, but am coming to terms with it.

It's going to take a while and I by no means feel better, but at least I feel like I'm not alone. That's always a good start.

Tired and jobless.

I got laid off from Lush today.

It fucking sucks!!!!!!

I get a weeks worth of pay and 15 hours holiday pay.

Aside from Dan being a git, I loved that place :o(

Goodbye cruel (S)LUSH, I hardly knew ye...

So I've heard from everyone else that has been fired from work over the last few days that it's pretty much happening to everyone. One by one we turn up for our shifts only to be told half way through that we are no longer needed and must go. We sign a form about our being released and get paid one week and 15 hours worth of holiday pay. We then have to pack away our stuff, hand back the apron and the badge, then go whilst the supervisors look on astonished at yet another one of us little people walking out gloomy faced.

Head office have given the command. Get rid of as many people from the shop as possible; we can't afford to keep these people. The shop isn't making enough money.

The "sorry, we have to let you go" bollocks hasn't happened to me yet, but I know what Sunday is now going to bring. I've been pre-warned by everyone so I know what to expect when I get called into the office for "a word".
I'm really upset about this. Not simply because I'm going to miss the money, although that will sting,but because I actually liked it there. I liked it there and was able to cope with the nature of it. I never thought I'd be able to have a job where I could quite happily walk up to strangers and chat to them like it was nothing...sure, I'd come home exhausted through it, but it was good.

Fuck.

I'm going on a final spree today. Abusing my 50% discount while I still can just in another branch of Lush. Flash them a payslip and the discount is yours. I think Mum may be coming with me.