Interlude.

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Soles and Sorrows.

It's been an odd few weeks.

I haven't done much aside from jobsearching and try in vain to get some sleep (insomnia has decided to piss me off again).
Chloe - my employment advisor - sent me on a couple of workshops all the way in Finsbury Park. The first one, working in customer service, was full of stuff I already knew so it wasn't that helpful. The second one, working in care, was VERY enlightening. The lady running the workshop handed me an application form to begin as a domiciliary care worker with the chance to complete an NVQ and gain new qualifications. It probably doesn't sound very "me" but I think care work could be the way to go. If it doesn't work out then I don't have to carry on doing it.

The main news right now is that I've been trying to keep the Mister's spirits up after his uncle passed away a couple of weeks ago. To make matters worse, his Nan passed away this morning.

Grief is such a hard thing to try help someone through. I told him I'm here day and night if he needs to talk to someone, or needs to cry or shout or whatever else. I suppose that's all I can do really, isn't it?

I want to call him and see if he's alright, but I know from a couple of weeks ago when it happened with his uncle that speaking isn't something he feels like doing. I'm giving him his space but I think a text goodnight may still be a good idea... Just to let him know he's not alone.

From a sad subject to a groovy one. Mister bought me a pressie.
There are a pair of shoes I've been lusting after for months and yesterday he turned up at the door with them. They're 3" heels and I can hardly walk in them but I am more than determined to learn!

(The pictures aren't very Dita, but it's hard to get nice angles on your own)

Ok, strange transition from death to shoes but Mister has said it's perfectly fine to be happy and show them off without any guilt about how he is. He said they're a reminder of an awesome day so he's happy about it.
I've been practising walking in them around the house and I've only managed to fall over once so far. Mum tried to teach me how to walk in them but I didn't look as graceful as she did (then again, I was holding onto things to keep my steady whereas she's well practised in the art of high shoes).

The rest of today has been spent making a cake for my Mum & Dad's silver wedding anniversary. I, yes in heels, made them a chocolate and vanilla marble cake. It took forever and I'm pretty sure my right arm is now much bigger than my left, but it was more than worth it!



I am aware of the fact that it looks a bit like a swirly cowpat, but I have never once claimed to be good at baking. Nor have I ever claimed that I am housewife material...cooking and myself do not mix. It smells amazing. Hopefully it'll taste that way too!


That's it for now.
Mucho love stuffs xx

Love is such a crazy thing...

I admit I was being a moany cow in my last blog entry.

Looking on things I do realise that what I have with the mister is a good and special thing. We've hit rut-type patches a few times since we've been together but we've always worked through it fine and come out smiling. That's a normal part of any relationship (so I'm learning anyway).
The stale feelings usually happen because one of us in on some kind of medication that fucks us up. Mine is making me super cranky lately and his is making him constantly fall asleep. He can be as alert as anything then half an hour after he takes his tablet he's out for the count (seriously, no amount of ear flicks, nose licks or shin kicks can wake him up).

I vented how annoyed I was about it and most of the other stuff. We're going through and working on it again.

All couples go through this stuff and it's all about learning and adapting to what life and growing together throws at us.

So we're alright again.
I've got a clearer head than before!

So, the last week or so have been a bit more eventful.
My psychologist has suggested we both go out to a busy supermarket to figure out my weird fear of certain people (no real discrimination, I just get a vibe of random people that freaks me out). I'm cool with it and since she's a student psychologist it'll be a good thing to put in her work portfolio.
Things with the employment advisor are slow but I'm trying. I went off to some working in retail info session this morning. Turned up an hour early for the thing because my advisor muddled up the times but never mind.

I went to a gig at Cafe De Paris to see the mister's band perform. I was feeling brave enough to work a little black dress and a pair of purple heels. Felt as self-conscious as hell but I got a lot of compliments and the mister loved it (had a cold sore though so couldn't do much about it).

The gig was good and there were burlesque dancers which the whole lot of us REALLY enjoyed.
The best part has to be this guy called Stephen and his attempt at break dancing though. He ran onto the dance floor like a man possessed and started rolling around. Stuff flew out of his pockets and slid across the room, coins shot out and hit fellow gig goers in the legs...it took three of us to collect his stuff and chase after him to give it all back.

The only thing I didn't like was having "STRIP, STRIP, STRIP, STRIP..." chanted at me by a drunken band when sitting in the VIP room waiting for the others to pick up their equipment.
Stephen got pissed at this and decided to jump in front of me and start unbuttoning his trousers at them. They soon shut the fuck up and went into a different room. I like Stephen, that's the first time I've ever met him but he comes across as a weird yet cool guy.

Last Friday I met Radish in the university bar for a few pints and a catch up. He bought three tickets to see Stephen Lynch at Brixton academy that day but our third person, Sake, couldn't make it. After a lot of thinking, we managed to get our friend Biscuit to take the ticket and we'd meet her at the place half an hour before the doors opened.

So Radish and I decided to get the bus to the tube station and, since we ended up being half an hour early, we went into a pub and drank a whole load of wine.

The gig itself was brilliant. A lot of the material was the same as the last time we saw Stephen perform, but it was still a hoot and worth it just to see the look on Biscuit's face. She'd never even heard of him before and had nooooo idea what kind of stuff he sang. Was brilliant.

Sunday was another gig, but with just the mister on the acoustic, a trumpet player and this woman called Neleswa singing. They were amazing. The poet, performance artist and drunk Irish woman weren't.

Yesterday the mister and I FINALLY went out somewhere. We went to see Alice in Wonderland. I thought it was a brilliant film aside from Alice who I found a little too strange. I know it's a Burton film but she was just a little too dazed for my liking.

I don't really have plans for the next few days. I have to dog sit for my parents tomorrow and I've got a stupidly early appointment with my employment advisor on Thursday.
Add a couple of baths, some guitar hero and finishing up reading the diary of a call girl books and that's my week.

I've nagged on.
Take care x

Like a well worn sofa...

...The Mister and I are in the comfortable phase.

OK, I don't actually know if that's a real relationship phase but things do feel that way.
We can say what the other one is thinking, we finish each other's sentences, our senses of humor appear to have merged into a Monty python/family guy megabeast, we've become so accustomed to each other that body parts we hate are flailed about freely without care, neither of us are too bothered if the other can't be arsed to shave for a week or more, I attack his blackheads with wreckless abandon (gross, yes, but I never claimed not to be) and slap face masks on him without much warning. We know what buttons to push when it comes to bedroom stuff and it's usually the same motions each time. When I get a job we're supposed to start flat hunting and he's going on about how much he wants kids soon.
He even said that he tells people he's "practically married" if ever he's out and either in conversation or someone attempts to chat him up.

Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Thing is, I don't actually know if I like this fact.

There are women out there, those Bridget Jones types, who would kick me and say "But you have a boyfriend. What are you moaning about?"
It's true in some respects. What I have going at the moment is what so many people crave but I suppose I'm getting into that typical rut of knowing that our honeymoon phase is well and truly over and now I'm wondering what the hell happens from here?

I love him to pieces and don't plan on things ending any time soon, I'm just worried about the lack of effort that we put into the relationship these days. We don't talk to each other much outside of our together time and when we are together it's always at my place and it's always the same routine of us watching crap TV, eating crap food, having a predictable fumble then him complaining about being tired and either going home or falling asleep on the spot.
I'm not the most romantic or spontaneous person ever, but I have tried to do and suggest things to get us out of habits. I made sure we went to the erotica exhibition last November to give ideas and imagination to private antics, I suggest going out places just the two of us, I put really deep thought into any gifts I get him. Inspiration runs dry pretty quickly, he's always too tired to go out and his idea of something romantic is getting me a bottle of booze and paying a bit more attention to foreplay than usual.

I've never gotten this far in a relationship before so it's all a bit new and strange.
I do like the fact that we are connected in some new ways, like a shared mind sometimes, and we can accept each others flaws both massive and small but I suppose I'm frustrated at the lack of excitement (and we weren't the most adventurous couple to start with).

I have a cousin who goes out with one of the Mister's best friends. They've been together for a year and he takes her on romantic weekends away, they go shopping together, they take each other out for dinner, they've been on helicopter rides together...
...I've never had anything like that done for me and I'm asking for much smaller scale things, y'know, like an evening in a pub just the two of us or something.

I'm hoping there's someone out there who can say some reassuring words to make me feel positive about where we're going. It's either that or I kick him up the bum and MAKE him do something different.

*sigh*

wow

I'm blogging from my shiny new blackberry bold.
Nothing much to say, I just wanted to see if this worked.

Take care and HELLO to my american readers.

Turn that shit up!!!!

Guess who managed to get herself a free Rage Against the Machine ticket?


ME!!!!





For those of you who have noooo idea what I'm talking about:

Every year here in merry old England, music artists have a fight for one of the most coveted chart positions: Christmas number 1.
Unfortunately, there hasn't really been much of a fight over the last 4-ish years due to a certain Mr Simon Cowel planning the release of the X-Factor winner's single around the time of the chart battle. Because everyone is so hyped up over the winner, they instantly get there without much of a struggle.
That was the way of the world until Christmas just gone anyway...
A couple of people started a Facebook group to try and get something different to the number one slot, a show of annoyance for all things manufactured, and droves of people joined up to be a part of the movement. To cut a long story short, we all managed to beat the X-Factor winner and got "Killing in the name" to number one.
As a thank you, the band offered to do a free gig for their UK fans as a thanks for the fight and recognition. It took two hours of waiting at the computer, hitting refresh and barely making it to see my therapist but I BAGGED MYSELF A TICKET!!

I am sooooooooo damn excited. I've never been to a concert before and to have Rage be the first ever people I go to see is simply amazing beyond all belief.
The only real problem is that I have seriously upset the Mister. He registered but was never sent an email with his details in order to book a ticket, so I couldn't get him one when I got through. I'm desperate to go but I know he's near to heartbroken about it (sounds silly but he's a music nerd).
I have said that if it bothers him too much I won't go but he's just been a bit huffy an changed the subject.

Ah well. Still sooooo happy.
Things like this never happen to me.

Guess what?

I've been fired!

I'm over being sad about it and am now seeing that it was probably a blessing in disguise.
Basically, the boss wanted someone who could learn everything fast enough to be able to run the shop without help (just like her and the supervisor). I just couldn't do it.
Problems started happening after she left me to cash up on my own while she went outside with her friend for a smoke. I thought I'd done everything right but I find out the next day that I'd fucked it up by 50p.
Now usually you'd expect a bollocking from the boss about getting it wrong before being left alone and moving on, but she was on my back the whole day. She spent 8 hours telling me how slow I was, how quiet I was, how I need to treat the place as work rather than somewhere laid back to sit around. When I was at the till she was there watching my every move and telling me off in whispers for not being fast or organised enough. She went on so much that I ended up making more mistakes because I couldn't understand what was going on.
In the end, after a cry down the phone to mum and a think over lunch, I went back to the shop floor and told her that I have a mental illness and I'm on medication with screws with my memory.
BIG FAT MISTAKE!
I'm so sure that the 50p thing (even though it was all sorted) and me confessing that I'm going to be slow to remember things is what made her get rid.

She took me downstairs about an hour before my shift was due to finish last Thursday and said that she needs someone who will treat it as work and nothing else (I still don't 100% understand that), that I'm polite and well presented but not what the shop needs and that she wants me to go now rather than staying the 3 months (which I never even got to sign a contract for) so the three of us didn't become too attached.

Meh, good riddance.
I don't like fur or leather, she was a bitch to work for, I never had any time for myself and it was starting to piss up my relationship with the Mister.

I'm off to see Chole - my employment advisor - today to go over what happened and start getting me back into job searching again. Hopefully I'll find something more suited to me soon.

So, since the firing happened, I've been catching up on some well needed sleep and some well needed couple time. I think the Mister is secretly happy because he's able to stay over on weekends once again. My parents have said they're happy about it too because they could see me getting depressed again. I couldn't tell but they see more than me.

I donated blood for the first time on about 8 months yesterday. Because of the iron tablets I was on, I avoided going but I spoke to one of the nurses yesterday and they said it was fine and that the meds I'm on now are not going to affect my blood enough to cause me to stop.
Yesterday was my 8th donation, so only 2 more to go before I get my bronze certificate.

Nothing much else to say apart from I'm freezing, I want tea and Dad's miniature helicopter buzzing around the living room is so annoying I want to stuff pillows in my ears.

xx