Got the muse in my head, she's universal...

I'm really annoyed because I've had ideas in my head which I've wanted to write down all afternoon but haven't had a chance. Now I have a break in my lecture and notebook to hand, all the ideas are fading away. All I can really remember is a first line for a short story I think I want to write and a description of the hot chocolate I bought in Cafe Direct before class started. It always tastes awful from that place; it's either hot water with a dash of boiled cardboard or murky brown with a green tinge. The only thing that seemed to have given it any flavour today was a blob of coffee that fell into the cup before I hit the button for the chocolate to spurt out.
I would have walked to Frobel for one from their coffee shop - deep, intoxicating, velvet textured chocolate topped with whipped cream and a mountain of fluffy white marshmallows - but it was freezing outside and seemed like far too much of a trek for something so gorgeously fattening.
I think I really do have a thing for drinking chocolate...
The best one so far has been from Häagen-Dazs in Leicester Square. It was gratifying beyond anything a man or woman could ever give me...seriously, I wanted to book a room with it!

I'd get back to the main point but I don't have one so...Oh, yes, some old lady sat next to me on the bus earlier farted very loudly then burst out laughing. It was the funniest thing I've seen, heard and smelt on a bus in very a long time. She was wonderful...she did it, said in a thick Jamaican accent "That'll be my cabbage stew." Then the laughter erupted.

Anyway.

I had my children's lit class today (nothing in heaven or below answered my plea for more snow). I actually like that class - that's the first time this has happened since Life writing with Sean in my first year - so I don't mind going to it really. The books we're looking at are really interesting and I think some of the techniques we're analysing will help me with my portfolio for Fiction and Innovative Form since we're looking at innovative ways in which the authors craft their stories to speak to their young readers.

As for myself as a writer generally, I think I'm starting to get the gist of what I want to do.
We all know I've dabbled in writing erotica and such, well I think that's an area I'd like to stay in. Erotica and perhaps non-fiction things to do with that whole world. The only other thing I enjoy is writing for young people but I don't feel like I have any place there (not at this moment in my life anyway). Meh, I'll just have to see what pops up.

Oooooo, I had a dentist appointment yesterday.
My teeth are still awesome!

Over and out xx

Ahhhhh, I'm fed up of waiting!!!

I ordered myself a shiny new pendant last week and I'm getting impatient...I really want it now!!
They did try to deliver on Friday, but no sod was home to sign for it so I've had to reschedule the delivery to Wednesday morning.

I've gotten really bored of the skull heart one I wear all the time: It worked for me at the time I bought it. It's called La Mort de Coeur which they've put into English as The tragic death of the heart and I bought it a couple of months after Ben and I split up the year before last. It's still lovely but it reflects too much hurt that I simply don't feel anymore, that's why I've decided to have a bit of a change (yeah, emotional attachments to necklaces probably sounds weird...I don't care).

This is my new pewter baby arriving on Wednesday:
It's called Chemical Wedding and is a symbol of the metaphysical union of two opposites.
It's pretty and will work well with my rings and bracelets (since I never wear colours and metals that all blend well together. The two-tone effect of this should fix that a bit).

Hmmm...ah, yes, other news.
That "friend" of mine, Nicky, is causing strife again!!!!!
It's Ben's friend's 21st birthday on Saturday and we've all been invited to go out and celebrate it on Friday night down our local.
Somehow that git managed to get himself invited to join us all down there and I just know that if he turns up and does ANYTHING then I don't think I will be able to hold my tongue - or my fist - around the poncey little twat this time around. Ben was fuming about it after I told him (I let him read what happened over Facebook last weekend) and said that if he so much as looks at me in a funny way then he's still man enough to get throttled.
I don't want to cause a fight, not during a friend's birthday, but I don't know if I can handle him being around me. I'm still so bloody angry at everything he said. I did plan to rise above it and act completely cool to make me look like the bigger person, but I don't know if I can do that.

It's not until Friday so I suppose I have some time to compose myself anyway.

Contented.

I've had a nice day, a nice evening and a nice early morning.
Ben has just left and has annoyingly left a massive empty juice bottle on my window ledge and has taken South Park series 9 with him (OK, so it was his to take anyway but...ah well). Those two things aside, I do love him like a loony though and feel it more and more each time I see him. I dread the day where the butterflies stop.

Do feel a bit naff now he's had to go home...anyway...

We met outside the station at 2 and went shopping for DVDs and any new games around, after that we stood around the bus station and ended up jumping on a brand new bus (it even smelt new!). From there is was a quick trip to Sainsbury's for food and ice cream before heading back to hang out at mine.
Things were great until a bit of an argument happened and I ended up sitting on the floor and away from him for a while, but we soon made up so hey.

We made up with no panic.

Make of that last sentence what you will. I'm going to bed now with possibly the biggest grin ever on my face and I'm sure a contented sigh will crop up before the snores happen.

Ok, I've gone mad...

...I've been watching this and laughing my head off for the last few days!!!!!!!!


MyNiceSpace.com

I used to be a Power Rangers nut and a prancing man is always funny.

Headache.

I pretty much spent my whole day on the computer yesterday.
I prayed to pretty much everything - God, Satan, Krishna, Bruce Forsythe - that the snow would stop classes and it did. After the initial "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!" and an elated phone call to Ben, who also got another day off from work, I started surfing and didn't pretty much didn't move.
I read some of my course book and watched American Dad, but never did any of the homework I was planning to get through, nor did I tidy up or...anything.

That was a waste of a day really.

I'm going for a walk in a bit just so I can get out of the house for a little while. Fresh air and such.
Staring at my laptop screen for so long has kicked off a dull yet annoying pain in my head.

Snow snow snow!!!

Yesterday was awesome!!!

I've not seen snow like that in about 6 years. It came down like crazy...fully formed snowmen could have been dropping out of the air. Honestly!
I took pictures when it first started coming down - after I'd warmed up from waiting for a bus after Abiola's birthday munch - but couldn't snap any during the day because the kids on the estate had taken over and started pelting strangers with snowballs then tried attacking people with a shovel and snowballs so compacted that they became ice balls. One lady swung her handbag at a bunch of them after they ganged up on her. Dad rang the police whilst I watch her spin and whack three of them in the face.
I made snow people on my balcony, although I didn't have anything to use for their faces so they ended up looking like curvy snow blobs in the photos I tried to take.


Ben got the day off work as well and, as it was a Monday, he came over to see me. No buses were running so he walked all the way up to mine in the snow. He looked like Mr Frosty when he got here: his trilby was coated in a layer of white, his face had flakes melting on it, his glasses were steamed up, his black puffer jacket could barely be recognised and his jeans were soaked up to the knee. I opened the door and he stood there looking at me saying "Hellllllpppppppppp." Good thing his brain was actually working that day and he brought shorts and dry socks with him. I hung his stuff on the radiators to dry whilst he dived into my bed yelling "I'M A COLD LITTLE MAN!"
Loon.

I may venture out a little later to play in what's left of the snow. Two of the local schools are open again now so the estate is a lot quieter than it was yesterday. Aside from that I'll probably spend my day finishing the book I had to read for my now cancelled class this afternoon.

Further annoyances.

To carry on from my last update, there was more of the same via my Facebook inbox.
I didn't make it clear who I was talking to in that post...it was Nicky.
Think back to that "friend" of mine who kept getting up and leaving me on my own to have a smoke, taking other people's drinks and just turning up to things without an invite. That's him.
He started ignoring me completely ever since I was too sick to make it to his birthday and I wanted to know why (I was in a fowl mood, otherwise I'd never have bothered asking).
After those initial messages I showed on here, the conversation went further. He swears that he always asked me if I was OK with him leaving before he did, that I've changed for the worse since I got back together with Mister and that I'm a cow for hurting him and saying I didn't trust him (to explain that - my illness has taken over as of late and when it gets bad I turn into a paranoid mess. I'm wary of everyone, think people are plotting and out to get me and just generally go a bit mad. He's seen me go through this many times and I was under the impression he understood that when I come out with things like that I don't mean a word of it).
He also said that I'm a user and have probably never really cared about him.

OK, I'm not without my faults and I'm not blameless in this whole friendship breakdown (my problems make me very selfish at times). I am, however, genuinely upset at the fact that he thinks that I'd "use" him and not be a true friend...over the span of 10 years!! If I was that kind of person would I have really stuck around for that amount of time?
I used to sit and listen to him when he was upset and needed to talk to someone, in person when I could and online well into the early hours of the morning pretty much every other day even though I had to be up early for college and work. I'd try to help and give advice knowing he'd go off and not listen yet still be there to pick up the pieces when things went wrong. When I first came out I wasn't comfortable talking about my sexuality at all, but because he was having similar problems I used to answer every question about it he threw at me because I wanted to help.
We'd go out to parks and pubs and have a laugh, singing to bar staff and laughing at children falling over their own laces. We'd talk about what we were writing and share books we loved.

He used to do the same for me before he turned into an arse.

Would someone who didn't care do that?

I honestly don't think I've changed that much. Not enough to infuriate someone into acting like such a twat toward me.
I'm not a cow. I can be a bit horrible sometimes, and that's not being ill that really is just me having a crap temper, but a cow...that's a little harsh.
I like the small changes that have happened. I don't hate myself, I'm more confident, I'm less of a doormat, I understand who I am, I'm able to do things for myself a bit more...is that bad?
He's the one who has changed in a naff way. He never used to run off and leave friends just to have a smoke with people he's just met, he used to think taking without asking was wrong...arggghhh. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!
He wormed his way into Mister's group of friends and managed to piss them all off. They even started avoiding him at one point...going round each other's houses to drink instead of the pub.

We're both just not right for each other as friends anymore.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm still a little upset at the not caring comment.
If you're in my life then I care about you. Simple as. Especially after 10 fucking years!