There's no change to how I'm feeling since the last blog. If anything it's gotten worse.
Right now I just want to sleep, but that's near to impossible for me lately. I just lay there gazing up at the ceiling wishing - longing - for that dizzy haze to come over me. For my eyes to become heavy and shut the day away but it never comes.
I ended up spending the entire night with a David Bowie play list on repeat unpicking strange meanings and images.
Worst part is that I can only feel three things right now: sadness, anger or numbness. The last one set in yesterday and just hasn't budged. I had phone conversations in monotone, I walked into the door frame and don't know if it hurt or not even though there's a nasty bruise on my leg and a smaller one on my arm. I'm pretty sure all of me aches but I'm having trouble feeling it.
I wish I knew what to do to feel better.
7 years ago