I'm keeping my job for time being.
My manager asked my why I've been acting strange around him and that I constantly look wary or upset when he looks at me.
Firstly I explained that my natural stance is grumpy, so he's gotten off lightly with that, secondly I said that I've felt like crap since he told me he was thinking about giving me the sack last weekend. He just said "If I was gonna fire you then I'd have done it by now."
I can't help thinking that he really is just a bit of a tit.
Aside from that, work wasn't too bad today. Dan put me on gift box duty for a little while because I apparently get more sales than the others when it comes to those things. It's pretty much been a 7 hour shift of dancing, running around with face masks on, dropping soap, pretending that we were all part of some kind of crazy love hexagon (which confused the flip out of my managers).
My cousins came into the shop earlier but didn't stay long because of the smell. Meh to them.
Yesterday was a bit horrible.
It's my monthly 7 days of painful psycho-bitchness and Ben came to visit me. He bought me a litre bottle of Baileys to cheer me up but I still ended up treating him like shit. I couldn't stop snapping at him and spent an hour just refusing to speak to him for no reason at all. Fuck knows how or even why he stayed here after that treatment, but I starting crying, saying that I was sorry for being a bitch, and I got a hug and a "I know it's not really you being an evil moo...don't worry about it."
I find me so irritating...why the hell has he put up with it for almost 3 years...seriously...
I'm feeling a bit less miserable in myself today. I just wish I could explain the bruises I'm still finding...I must be beating the crap out of myself when I'm asleep or something. I've got a massive one on my hip, another on my thigh, my arms are covered...it's so annoying.
People keep telling me I've lost weight as well, but I just don't see it. Ok, so my jeans no longer fit me, I'm having to make extra holes in my belt and my shirts are baggy but I feel like such a lump. I just can't see it myself...It must be true but I wish I could actually tell.
Wardy commented on it the other day and I actually can't stand it when people tell me that...I just feel like I'm being stared at all the time. My family do it to me a lot; whenever I get smaller or bigger they just have to let me know about it...I'm like a reality diet show.
I got upset about it and bitched to Ben. He never says anything like that to me, and when I bitch he just says that he notices but really doesn't care cos I'm apparently "damn sexy whatever!". Suppose that's nice...I just wish other people would see that and leave me alone.
Ahh well. I'm going to see Stephen Lynch with the uni loons tomorrow, so that should be awesome.
7 years ago