It's Ben's 24th birthday today and, to celebrate, we're off out for drinks in our local. That's great aside from one - or many depending on how you look at it - thing...there are a bunch of friends I've never met before including his best friend, Danielle. I've heard so much about her and she sounds great but I'm really freaked out. Best friends are tricky ones to get along with; I've had problems with pretty much all of them in past relationships. I really have to try not to blow it! I do have a back up though: my own Danielle is coming along. I NEED her for if and when things get too much. Someone who is to do with me more than him will help so much!
I splashed out on myself afer work a little bit yesterday. Basically, Lush have an offer on at the moment where for every £20 you spend - £40 before staff discount in my case - you get to pick a free gift box or bunch of products made before December 1st. When my shift was over, I bought myself loads of pampering treats (further aiding my work on becoming the plus sized embodiment of sex by the time I'm 30).
- Magic bath ballistic x2 - Creamy Candy Bubble bar - Blackberry bomb - The comforter bubble bar - Sex in the shower emotibomb x2 - Porridge hand & body soap
You're a Star gift box:- Dream cream face and body cream (240g) - Aqua Mirablis body butter - Ceridwen's Caulderon bath melt - Floating Island bath melt - Mar Bar bubble bar - Honey I washed the kids soap (100g) - Helping hands hand cream (45g)
My Freebie: Christmas Candy gift box- Let them eat Cake lip balm - Candy cane bubble bar - Angels delight soap (100g) - Yummy Yummy Yummy shower gel (100g) - Mr Butterball bath ballistic.
I think that's enough to keep me going for a little while.
Anyway, I'm leaving you with a song I'm completely hooked on this week: The Damned - Little Miss Disaster.
Not sure if you know or not, but I gave up celebrating Christmas a few years back. I never sent cards, bothered with the songs, decorated my room or helped decorate the house, never bought gifts aside for my parents and Anthony, I asked people not to get me anything...yeah. Because Ben is an uber Christian - almost - I promised I'd give it a go again this year. I sent out cards, I left music channels on full blast, bought myself a lovely little camp tree (all the colours of the rainbow), got my friends and family gifts. It was worth it.
Under ze tree I found for me (yay, poet or what?): -A black iPod classic -Headphones -A iPod speaker set with a small LCD screen built in (it can play music videos, be a digital photo frame, plug into my TV etc). -£30 worth of iTunes vouchers. -Earrings. -Lip & eye make-up pallets. -An Alarm clock. -Body lotion & shower gel. -A necklace. -Perfume. -3 bottles of wine. -Minty biscuits -Two funny books from Manda Manda -A squishy eye and pooping penguin from Michael
I spent yesterday afternoon with my family and Ben, who promised to visit everyone on my side, since no one had seen him since my cousin's wedding all the way back in march...2007, and I spent this evening with him. I got to his house at about half 5 sand said hello to his mum & sister (and the dog). I gave them their presents: His parents got a box of Thorntons finest, Fay a gift box from Lush and Chelsea some doggy treats. Ben didn't want to open his in front of eveyone so we went into his room and exchanged gifts. I got him a Van Halen T-Shirt and two guitar tab books for Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin, my parents got him a game for his PS3. He got me a VERY pretty silver bracelet, the Monty Python's Flying Circus box set and a Russell Howard stand-up dvd. His parents and sister got me earrings and an Oil of Olay bath/shower set. We lazed about in his room for the rest of the evening watching the new Doctor Who, some DVDS, we played some weird crap on the playstation and sat talking...and arguing over who makes the best stuffing: my mum or his mum.
This is probably the best Christmas I've had in years. We were even talking about swapping for next year...I spend the afternoon with his mad family and he spends Christmas with me (wouldn't it be great if we managed another year?). I'm not going to see him again until his birthday now, which completely sucks... but it's restored my faith in a happy Christmas.
The Mister is spending the day with me and my family tomorrow. He's met them all before, but that was nearly two years ago and my family have gotten even more crazy since then (if that's possible). It'll be fine, I know it will, and Mister's mainly doing this to visit my uncle Reg (wheelchair-bound dude who wants to battle Ben on Mario Kart for some insane reason) and it would make Reg's Christmas. My only concern is that Granddad gets aggressive if you don't take food offered...my cousin's boyfriend hasn't come back in three years because Granddad threw a plate of sandwiches at his head!
I'm even more nervous about Christmas day. I'm spending Christmas with his family. I love his family, but I have this awful feeling that I'm going to do/say something wrong and fuck things up...this is the first family that have actually liked me.
Between Emma and I. I saw her today for about 5 minutes to drop off Anthony's Christmas present and we honestly had nothing to say to each other. It was a quick hello followed by her standing there chatting on her phone with one of the many men she has on the go, then complaining about how many bags she has to carry home now (I really don't care) and then pushing past me to get to her bus whilst shouting "I'll see you when I see you!"
That's just it now. I'd rather have no best friend than have to tag her with it. Things have been going wrong with us for a while and today just confirmed that we just don't click the way we used to anymore. It'll be lonely without her, I'll admit, but probably a lot less miserable.
I didn't sleep from when I got back from that party, so I was up until my alarm went off. After that I made myself a cuppa then got myself dressed and out to get down to ye olde (S)Lush. I got there on time - although attempting to hide a slight hangover - along with two other girls I work with but there was no one there to actually let us into the shop. We waited and waited but no sod turned up with a key so I ended up having to call Dan, wake him up, stress him out, and get him to come down to the shop 2 and a half hours early so we could get in and set up. We ended up only having 20 minutes to put all of our stock delivery into the back room, put out all the testers, get all the tills online, wrap the soaps and shampoos, mop the floors and beat the crap out of the MP3 adaptor to get the music playing through. To top it all off, Dan evilly pointed out that, because today was supposed to be the busiest retail day of the year, if we were caught not doing anything useful then we would be fired without warning ON THE SPOT! After that he asked if I wanted 4 extra hours today, to which I declined for fear of getting the shove for accidentally needing to run out back for a sneeze or something...
The only good thing about today was that I got to hang out with my supervisor, Vicky J, for a little bit and found out we both like a lot of the same literature and TV programmes. That and the new girl, Geri, brought us all home made cookies and ORGASMIC chocolate brownies (Dan freaked out and yelled at some of us because they weren't vegan friendly though...hungry Dan is worse than regular Dan, I swear!).
Now, an explanation for the hangover...I went to Ben's work Christmas party last night. I eventually found something smart/glam to wear:
There's a glittery shrug and some lovey heels involved as well, but they're not on sale in the shop anymore so there are no pictures. I was a nervous as hell about the whole thing and was so uncomfortable in that dress. I got a stunned look from Ben though, which I'm taking as a good sign. The party was at some posh hotel in Ealing somewhere and his workmates are nice but DAMN SCARY!!! I know that's probably the protocol for a bunch of people who work in a West London primary school, dealing with unruly midgets and all that jib-jab, but I felt so damn...I don't know, like I would get told off or have a whistle blown at me at any minute. I only planned on having one boozy drink then sticking to something soft, but after the flow of conversation that happened on our table I think I got drunk enough for about 5 people. They asked me about our sex life, sat there discussing things "our men" wont do but should (Ben went red at this point and I just excused myself and ran off to the ladies to breathe for a bit). After that it went on to talk about Ben's family and how much his Mum likes me and couldn't stand his exes (not exactly something I wanted to hear talk of; makes me feel weird), then it got on to talk about his younger sister being pregnant and that he won't get as much attention as he does now once the baby is born. Their idea to counteract this? Get me up the duff! No no no no no no no no no...............of course that started a slight tiff between us both simply because the "Why are we together if we want different things?" thing came up again. Fuck me, it's only been a year.
Ben left to go to the bar and I was left sat with a bunch of cackling, sex crazed, middle aged women gazing at me and asking me mad questions along with "We hear sooooo much about you.", "He never shuts up in the office; Shelly this, Shelly that..." One of them - whilst stupidly pissed - said "Darling, you're actually fucking gorgeous and don't seem like a no brained twat...why the fuck are you with him anyway?" Unfortunately he overheard that one and didn't look pleased. I downed another glass.
We finally left once the meal was over with and before ANYONE could drag us up to the dance floor. I was swaying in my heels and clinging to Ben's arm as we wandered around to find a cab office.
I highly doubt I'll be going to anyones work do ever again after that. Fucking hell.
What I did pick up from that evening is that he and I are OK. I keep complaining about us having this stupid problems, but when push comes to shove we can both sit there, have a laugh, be damn embarrassed together...he even called my parents the "in-laws" during the cab ride home yesterday. We're making plans for him to spend Christmas eve with me and my family (as crazy as they all are...he's been warned that my Granddad WILL throw food at him if he refuses to take it when offered) and I'm spending Christmas day with him and his family (apparently his mum has even bought a bottle of Bailey's for me to sit and have a drink with them). It's all so cool yet so very weird.
I'm going to leave you with a song I'm hooked on at the moment. It keeps being played on the radio and I love it...
I was twenty-one years when I wrote this song I'm twenty-two now, but I wont be for long People ask me when will I grow up to understand Why the girls I knew at school are already pushing prams
I loved you then as I love you still Though I put you on a pedestal, you put me on the pill I don't feel bad about letting you go I just feel sad about letting you know
I don't want to change the world I'm not looking for a new England Are you looking for another girl?
I loved the words you wrote to me But that was bloody yesterday! I can't survive on what you send Every time you need a friend
I saw two shooting stars last night I wished on them, but they were only satellites It's wrong to wish on space hardware I wish, I wish, I wish youd care
I don't want to change the world I'm not looking for a new England Are you looking for another girl?
My dreams were full of strange ideas My mind was set despite the fears But other things got in the way I never asked that boy to stay
Once upon a time at home I sat beside the telephone Waiting for someone to pull me through When at last it didnt ring, I knew it wasn't you
I don't want to change the world I'm not looking for a new England Are you looking for another girl?
I'm going along with Ben to his work do tomorrow evening and the dress code is smart and glamorous. How the fuck am I supposed to do that? I'm a creature that lives in jeans.
Part of me wants to wear a skirt, but I'm going to look like such a twat in one...I can feel it. That and heels will actually kill me. Or I get a dress...I like this one:
Oh God oh God Oh God.
This teamed with being soooooo damn nervous anyway. Oh fucksocks.
One of my managers told me that I'm being kept on as a permanent member of staff!!!!!! DAN ISN'T GOING TO SACK ME ANYTIME SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
As annoying as working at (S)Lush is, I really did want to be kept to carry on working after the festive season has been and gone. Only thing is that my hours are going to be reduced from 15 to 5. That means I do one 5 hour shift a week from January until March, then my hours get upped again gradually until they get me on full time once I've completely finished uni. It will mean more time for me to have a life, but less money for me to spend on said life. I suppose I'm just happy that most of the Lush crew like me enough to want to keep me with them. All that talk of being fired and such...
Something else happened today. I've had this Internet friend, Hannah, since I was 15. Today she came into the shop!!!! I've never met her in person before...not properly. We pass each other when out shopping sometimes but neither of us are ever brave enough to speak. When I saw her walk past the shop earlier I shouted "HANNAH!!!" without thinking, she ran in and we finally spoke. We spoke and she bought some shampoo. Lol.
Dan has managed to piss me off yet again today and I only spent about two minutes with him!!! he put me down on the rota to do 21 hours next week but I'm still at uni until the 19th so I HAVE TO stick to my 15 a week. When I went back in a couple of hours after my shift to catch him, he had a go at me for not telling him sooner even though I told him a week after I started working there that I won't finish until that time. He then had the nerve to blame ME for HIM not remembering to note it down in his diary even though that's not my responsibility in the slightest.
That man makes me want to break things!!!!!!
Aside from that, I did actually enjoy my shift today. It was mainly Gillian and I wandering around the shop taking the piss out of each other and reminiscing about school days...I found out that she was the one who used to run up behind us on the bench and randomly shout weird things. It's nice to have a kind of friend in that place. The other people I work with are OK but...I dunno...well, actually, I really like shifts with my supervisor Dallas. She and I spend most of the time quoting Monty Python or Blackadder whilst running around the shop being silly.
As for life outside of (S)Lush...well, I'm still not sleeping properly. Mum thinks it's because something is making me afraid of my bedroom. I think that's a step too far on the silly scale. All I did was tell her something weird that happened to me last night when I settled down to go to bed. I was laying there gazing at my wall and wondering where my left sock had gone when I felt someone hit me on the side of my head!!!!! My quilt moved and everything. I'm so used to weird crap happening in my room that all I did was shout "NO!" then I turned and opened the curtain a tad. So me telling mum I've seen figures in my room, that no matter what I do I can never get my bedroom feeling warm, I hear footsteps around the house and things turn themselves on without warning means I'm not only ill but it's what's stopping me from being able to snooze and making me feel odd all the time. Nopey nope...I love my room to pieces, even if it is freezing. I've had problems sleeping since I was a kid but since I told mum some stuff a while back, she thinks everything I say that is slightly out of the norm relates to that. Considering my Nan, Mum herself and my cousin have all had experiences like this, you'd think she'd understand a bit more. Even when Ben comes round he randomly jumps and goes "Why did you poke me?" even though I didn't even touch him. Meh, I dunno.
Tomorrow is my day off, so I shall be lazing around in bed for most of the day then I have a party to go to in the evening...not that I can drink too much or stay out too late though because I've got work the next day (it really hinders your social life all this working malarkey).
Still haven't managed to sleep yet. It's getting on my nerves now. I went to best last night and had my alarm set for 5.30 so I could get up for work, but I ended up not needing the alarm at all. I didn't sleep a wink and spent hours watching a mixture of Q.I and Never mind the Buzzcocks. I feel like I want to sleep but the rest of my body just isn't having any of it :o(
I wouldn't mind the insomnia if I actually has something to do...or watch...or had people online to bug. I'm not sleeping again and it's driving me mad because I'm exhausted. I get up at half 5 for work a lot and this week shall be no acception. Wednesday and Friday I'm in at 7.30. I get a lay in on Sunday where I'm in at 12 and leave at closing time. That teamed up with the early mornings for uni AND Dad making sure I'm up, dressed and not lazing about in my room because I have to wait for the damn postman is really stressing me out. I think that's even what's stopping me from sleeping...I'm too tired to (if that makes any sense at all). Things have been tricky in the house ever since mum started college. I'm so happy for her because she's finally learning something she loves after not even finishing school when she was younger, but it's thrown Dad and I into complete chaos. Problem is that Mum is out most of the time now and so am I which leaves Dad at home on his own...if he gets too fed up then he sits round my grandparent's house until it's time to pick mum up meaning that nothing in the house has been done. He can't cook unless it's a pizza, his arms are so manked from operations that he can't wash up properly (when he does it I come along and do it again because there are still stains on things) and he has no idea how to work the washing machine even after me and mum trying to teach him several times. Towels never get washed frequently enough, everyone complains they have no clothes, loads get missed because someone us asleep or out when the other one is up and busy and I always get told off for it lately. I'm learning how to cook at the moment but all Dad ever wants is burger sandwiches then I get told off for not doing him something propper (I offer but he says no and we eat very different things anyway). The worst one at the moment is my alone time with Ben. When he comes round and it's just me and Dad in the house, we can't sit around for more than 5 minutes before Dad wanders in going "What you watching?" or "Oooo, Ben, want to see this new game I've got for the Wii" I then lose Ben for a few hours whilst he goes into fidgety boy mode after a game with loads of guns in it. We see each other once a week...I don't like having hours taken out of our time!
When I eventually move out I think Dad is going to go a little stir crazy if mum is still at college. We're driving each other mad in the house alone but at least arguing or watching American Chopper is something to do...when we're both out he sits on his own and watches films and calls my uncle up every half hour or so for a chat.
I don't exactly know what I'm trying to do with this post...I just felt like writing really.
I've almost finished my Christmas shopping. I got my friends some things earlier and I'm happy with that, I bought myself a multi coloured Christmas tree which I've now perched on top of my stereo and I've started getting Ben's pressies out of the way. I'm getting him some Guitar tab books (when I can eventually find them...trust him to want things that are now completely out of print), a few clothing bits and bobs, a recipe book (it's a cool one to do with booze) and probably a small bottle of Jack Daniels. The booze will probably be in the birthday gift along with the booze book and a hat. The tabs along with some shirts and something else I've not decided yet will probably go in as a Christmas gift. I might ring mum in the morning and ask if she can look for the tab books around town when she goes to the prison to see John...I know there are a could of stores scattered around by the uni (hippy student customers pay well apparently).
I'm a lot happier now I've gotten most of that stuff sorted.
Actually, to be fair, I AM a very thick person. I just can't stand it when the fact shows through so blatantly. I got the comment "are you actually blond?" today. Who'd have thought a stupid comment like that could make me feel so crap. I always out it all down to just being a bit scatterbrained.
Dan and I actually got along and had a laugh at work yesterday.
He finally taught me how to cut and weigh the cleanser bars, so I spent the whole day donned in manky latex gloves chopping and squishing them into different pots then having a bit of a fight with getting the labels on. Dan kept having a mad dance with me whenever we were near each other at the sink and we were having a day long "make up silly lyrics" competition to the songs playing through the shop (which just ended up in us singing "LAAAAAAAAAA" in different pitches). Ben came in to say a quick hello, and all I could hear during gaps in conversation was Dan singing "And they called it puppy loooooovvvveee, scoobydoobydoobydoooooo." When he left, Dan then shuffled over to me me, put on a squeaky voice and started going "Is that your special friend? Do you play huggykissy? BLESS!" He was doing mad singing to me and my supervisor during our lunch break and ended running away with my carrots and tomatoes that I'd bought to snack on during the day. He did end up choking on one, which I do think serves him right.
I'm still not happy with the dude at all, but at least he was decent today. I don't know if it was a momentary lapse in his sternness or if he's decided that us only speaking when an order is being given really is just a bit silly now.
I'm still not looking forward to my 8 hour shift this afternoon.
Welll December has arrived and I'm freaking out about my shopping. I've been sitting here for the last hour trying to figure out what the hell to get people and it just isn't happening. I keep changing my mind, or I go to order something only to find it's out of stock until the new year, or I look at stuff and think there's just no way I'm buying that in case I fuck up. My friends are proving trickier than I first thought. I'm trying to get them stuff from work based on little details I've picked up. I've got a friend who is a chocoholic - actually, just a foodoholic - so I've decided a few things based on that...and the same with everyone else. I'm getting Ben's sister something from work as well, but I'm going to get that specially gift wrapped in the shop and stuffing it full of pampering treats since she told me that her pregnancy is making her feel fat and horrible (I'd say she's carrying the small-ish bump well so far), so I'm putting in a massage bar which helps prevent stretch marks, some soothing bath ballistics, hair treatments etc I have no idea what to get his parents. I was originally going to get his mum a gift box from work as well, but that would leave his dad out. I think I'm settling on a box of posh chocolates, but I have to make sure there are no allergies around...a little siren went off in my head before I bought them yesterday about someone being allergic to something. I need to double check. Ben is a pain in the bum to buy for too. I really am stuck with what to get, plus it's his birthday 5 days after Christmas as well (he has to be awkward). I was going to make up a birthday gift of music related bits and bobs and he's asked for something booze related for Christmas. So far, the music book I've ordered is now out of stock EVERYWHERE and I've only been able to find wrapping paper with little guitars on. This would be so much easier if he was a woman...I could get a necklace and be done with it.
*sigh*
Dad is proving awkward as well. He's told me not to bother with him and mum, but I can't do that. I've asked if there's anything they'd like for their fish tanks, any DVDs they want, store vouchers...they've given me no help. Damn it.
If I've got enough left over then I'm going to get my cousin Mandy a little something as well. If I get her a big hatbox from work then her husband will probably be able to nick some of the products as well, so it would be quite nice for the both of them.
I still haven't gotten a tree or any decorations for my bedroom. I might leave it until I've gotten the paint from the builders and done my room (the colour they painted my newly plastered wall doesn't even begin to match the rest of the room...shit heads!). I've got my eye on a purple tree in Paperchase, so I might wander in and get that during my lunch break this evening.
God, why the hell did I start celebrating this thing again? Damn having a Christian as a other half (OK, so I don't really mean that, but I still wouldn't bother with all this otherwise).
24 year old, mentally ill, bisexual, into fetish, loves shoes, hates early mornings, Graduate, comedy addict, laughs at anything, cries at anything, has the best friends anyone could ask for, has a boyfriend, has a dog, has no money, makes no sense.
