Sunday, 21 September 2008

I have a crap best friend.

It's a horrible thing to say about someone I'm supposed to be so close to but it's true!

We've been friends for about 10 years now and, over the course of the last year or so, she's turned into a really self-absorbed person.
Her life revolves around sex, weed and getting drunk. All the time. That's it. She has a son yet still does this shit!
I get ditched whenever a man takes interest in her and, when she's kind of seeing them, I don't see her for months because sex and getting stoned are much more important. Then, when they turn into fuck heads who treat her like shit I get weepy phone calls "Why can I ever find someone nice?", "From now on it's all about my son and my Shelly.", "I'm never falling for this again."
A week later and it all goes back to what I've just described above.

Over the last few months she keeps calling me so we can go on a night out and catch up, have fun and just generally forget about menfolk for a while. Everything gets planned down to the last detail but, usually about an hour or so before I'm due to meet her, she'll cancel on me and give a lame excuse as to why. It happened last night as well...I called her up in tears REALLY needed a friend to see and speak to so she said she's shopping with another friend but would call me as soon as she's done so we can go somewhere and never happened. I was sat and home all evening bawling my eyes out instead having mum try and talk to me, but it was a situation where I needed my friend.
I'm so angry because she's done it to me so often now. I just don't know what to do. It feels like yesterday was the last straw, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it from here.

Thing is that I drop EVERYTHING for her. Whenever she's needed someone I've been there; spending the last of my money for travel just to sit with her for a few hours and make sure she's ok. I answer the 3am phone calls and listen to her cry down the phone for hours about how she has no one there for her. When she's been pissed off by something and hurled the abuse at me I've taken it.
It seems now though, whenever I've needed her, she just doesn't want to know or says she'll be there but never shows.

I'm stuck.


Weeping Shadows said...

I was wondering what your msn status meant.

That really, sucks shelly. First off, you shouldn't be the one always dropping stuff for her, and she doesn't give it in return. I was going to say maybe you should just call it a day. But after 10 years, that would be hard, I'd imagine.

But really, she doesn't deserve the title best friend if she does all of this to you. A best friend is someone who will be there for you thick and thin. You're a best friend, but she isn't to you.

Oh shells. *hugs*

Half-Divine said...

She was my best friend. Used to be through thick and thin no matter what...but over the last year or so it's just gone wrong.
I don't know what to do anymore. We used to be like sisters but now I feel like I barely know her.
I don't know if I can let go :o(

Weeping Shadows said...

You know, no matter how long you've been friends with someone, what happens sometimes is that you either grow out of the friendship, or the friend becomes a new person you don't like..

It's really strange, and then it's hard because you've know them for so long.
I've grown out of a friend before; and then I met you guys :)

Manda said...

This has been happening for a long time, hasn't it? I remember you telling me a bit about it at uni, after the Patricia stuff went down.

I remember that when I was being ditched and treated like crap even though I gave all of myself and then some, I didn't know what to do because in spite of everything I loved her and I wanted to believe the best in her. That she'd realise what she was doing, apologise, be my friend again, and treat me like I deserve. You don't want to have to give up on someone, especially someone you've known for years, even though you know you can't let them hurt you. You want to think that your love should be obvious and strong enough to make them take notice, but somehow it never does.

Dee's right - someone who treats you like this shouldn't have the title of 'best friend'. I'm not saying ditch that person completely, especially because I know it'd be painful and hard, but...let her be a mate, but make it clear the privileges best friends have aren't there anymore. Maybe that will make her see that this isn't funny. That relationships of any kind have to be worked at from both sides.

It doesn't always work out for the best :-( I did that and ended up walking away altogether, but you've known your friend a lot longer and I think you guys have been closer.

I hope this will work out for you, Shells *hugs*. And when you need someone to talk to, all of us are just at the other end of the phone or even Facebook if you need us. We might not know you as well but remember that we care