This next week is going to be rather hellish.
BOW work is due in on the 31st and I've not done a thing for it so far. No sod got back to be with answers to my questions, so fuck knows how I'm going to write 2,500 words before quotes. Bloody Liz...
It does mean, however, that I've had to put other things on hold while I get through all my work. I'm going to have two Mondays free of Ben. Don't get me wrong, I still love him like crazy but having a little breather will be nice. I need to just be me for a little bit and not with the Mister as part of a couple. I'm pretty sure he'll be thankful for a reduction in the nagging as well. Plus it makes things feel a bit better when we do get to see each other again. We're stuck in a little rut at the moment and things like this help us appreciate the company and stuff...if that makes sense.
Had a strange conversation with Leone yesterday morning before class.
A few weeks ago she set us a piece of homework where we had to write something raw. Something from a dark and painful place inside that we then had to put on the page and try to be brave enough to show her...or someone.
When I first gave it in she read the very first line then came over and gave me a hug. Since then I've been a bit nervous and wondering if I took what I wrote a little too far.
Anyway, whilst it was just me in the room yesterday, she came over and sat with me. Didn't say anything at first, she just watched me go through my presentation notes. She then broke the silence by saying "I've learnt a lot about my class through the raw writing you all did."
I sort of smiled...I think...didn't really know what to say to that. She then went on, "Some of the best writing I've seen from you guys, but there's one I really clicked with." then she nodded at me.
She went on to say that as a piece of writing it was brilliant and that, even though it's not a comfortable voice, I'd do well to use it a little more sometimes. After that teacherly nod of approval she then went on to explain "It was that good because I could feel it...not only that, but I have felt it. It's very familiar and that's what made it so uncomfortable. You sound like me when I was your age."
I can't remember a lot of it after this because I stated to feel a little odd, but she basically said that she was very worried about me, that having a voice like this at only 22 is a concern. She wanted to know if I had any support outside of the university and if I've ever considered some kind of help for things. I explained the mass amounts of therapy, being locked in the welfare office in 2007 and told her that I can't be arsed with it anymore. I'm here and I get on with things as best I can and it's all I intend to do. After that she said that it's slightly above and beyond her duty but that if I ever need someone to speak to then I can drop her an email...even after I've left university and gone off to do whatever. She wants me to keep in touch with her.
It's just weird. Nice, but weird...
There's only ever been one other person who was this supportive and that was one of my English teachers at college when I first found out I was ill. I feel a little bit bad that I've not gotten in touch since I first got into uni. I might drop him an email.
7 years ago